PIKER'S POLITICAL POWER RANKINGS
Democratic Candidates for President
1. Howard Dean
2. General Wesley K. Clark
3. Representative Dick Gephardt
4. Senator John Kerry
5. Senator John Edwards
6. Reverend Al Sharpton
7. Carol Moseley Braun
8. Senator Joe Lieberman
9. Representative Dennis Kucinich
PIKER'S PERSONAL FAVORITES
1. General Wesley K. Clark
2. Howard Dean
3. Senator John Edwards
4. Reverend Al Sharpton
5. Carol Moseley Braun
6. Senator Joe Lieberman
7. Representative Dennis Kucinich
8. Representative Dick Gephardt
9. Senator John Kerry
Wednesday, November 26, 2003
POLITICAL PIKER
Citing deep-seated skepticism and a general distrust for government after watching the news a few times and seeing the movie "JFK," Piker has never kept too close an eye on politics, much preferring any type of sports arena to the political arena. However, Piker has been reading Salon and Slate of late, partially due to a vested interest in the former, but mainly because of a newfound genuine curiosity for politics. It started with the recall election circus and has now segued neatly into the Battle for the White House. Granted, Piker is still a newbie when it comes to this stuff, armed with only a superficial knowledge of the issues and the history of the participants. But, Piker is in the game now and it'll just be a matter of time before the gaps are filled in. As a matter of fact, Piker watched the Democratic Candidates for President debate in Iowa on Monday. Enjoyed it too. The Reverend Al Sharpton was clearly the most entertaining of the group, without coming off like a radical lunatic. I'm not sure the same can be said for Representative Dennis Kucinich though. The debate was lively and spirited and almost all of the candidates had good showings, except Senator Joe Lieberman, who wasn't invited to the debate. Senator John Kerry and Representative Dick Gephardt acted as a tag team in going after frontrunner Howard Dean, but Dean held his own and probably garnered some sympathy from the two-pronged attack. Senator John Edwards was upbeat and positive and left a favorable impression, as did Carol Moseley Braun. But, my favorite candidate remains General Wesley K. Clark. The man makes me feel safe. I want him on that wall. I need him on that wall.
In case you missed it, a full transcript of the debate can be found here. For some insightful and incisive commentary and criticism, visit Slate's henchmen Saletan and Kaus.
Below, you will find the first installment of a brand new segment that Piker hopes to continue right up until the Democratic National Convention. Please be advised that Piker is a piker and doesn't know that much about any of this stuff, but Piker has good instincts and boasts of recognizing the star quality of one Bill Clinton at around this same point in the process back in the day. Take it for what it's worth.
Citing deep-seated skepticism and a general distrust for government after watching the news a few times and seeing the movie "JFK," Piker has never kept too close an eye on politics, much preferring any type of sports arena to the political arena. However, Piker has been reading Salon and Slate of late, partially due to a vested interest in the former, but mainly because of a newfound genuine curiosity for politics. It started with the recall election circus and has now segued neatly into the Battle for the White House. Granted, Piker is still a newbie when it comes to this stuff, armed with only a superficial knowledge of the issues and the history of the participants. But, Piker is in the game now and it'll just be a matter of time before the gaps are filled in. As a matter of fact, Piker watched the Democratic Candidates for President debate in Iowa on Monday. Enjoyed it too. The Reverend Al Sharpton was clearly the most entertaining of the group, without coming off like a radical lunatic. I'm not sure the same can be said for Representative Dennis Kucinich though. The debate was lively and spirited and almost all of the candidates had good showings, except Senator Joe Lieberman, who wasn't invited to the debate. Senator John Kerry and Representative Dick Gephardt acted as a tag team in going after frontrunner Howard Dean, but Dean held his own and probably garnered some sympathy from the two-pronged attack. Senator John Edwards was upbeat and positive and left a favorable impression, as did Carol Moseley Braun. But, my favorite candidate remains General Wesley K. Clark. The man makes me feel safe. I want him on that wall. I need him on that wall.
In case you missed it, a full transcript of the debate can be found here. For some insightful and incisive commentary and criticism, visit Slate's henchmen Saletan and Kaus.
Below, you will find the first installment of a brand new segment that Piker hopes to continue right up until the Democratic National Convention. Please be advised that Piker is a piker and doesn't know that much about any of this stuff, but Piker has good instincts and boasts of recognizing the star quality of one Bill Clinton at around this same point in the process back in the day. Take it for what it's worth.
PIKER PICKS: WEEK 13
Home Team in CAPS
Piker Picks in Bold
11/27 12:30 PM ET
Green Bay -6.5
DETROIT
11/27 4:05 PM ET
Miami
DALLAS -3
11/30 1:00 PM ET
San Francisco
BALTIMORE -3
Philadelphia
CAROLINA -1.5
Arizona
CHICAGO -4.5
Atlanta
HOUSTON -3
New England
INDIANAPOLIS -4
Buffalo
N.Y. GIANTS -3.5
Cincinnati
PITTSBURGH -3
Minnesota
ST. LOUIS -6
11/30 4:05 PM ET
New Orleans
WASHINGTON -1.5
Denver -3
OAKLAND
Kansas City -7
SAN DIEGO
Cleveland
SEATTLE -5.5
11/30 8:30 PM ET
Tampa Bay -3.5
JACKSONVILLE
12/1 9:00 PM ET
Tennessee -1
N.Y. JETS
Home Team in CAPS
Piker Picks in Bold
11/27 12:30 PM ET
Green Bay -6.5
DETROIT
11/27 4:05 PM ET
Miami
DALLAS -3
11/30 1:00 PM ET
San Francisco
BALTIMORE -3
Philadelphia
CAROLINA -1.5
Arizona
CHICAGO -4.5
Atlanta
HOUSTON -3
New England
INDIANAPOLIS -4
Buffalo
N.Y. GIANTS -3.5
Cincinnati
PITTSBURGH -3
Minnesota
ST. LOUIS -6
11/30 4:05 PM ET
New Orleans
WASHINGTON -1.5
Denver -3
OAKLAND
Kansas City -7
SAN DIEGO
Cleveland
SEATTLE -5.5
11/30 8:30 PM ET
Tampa Bay -3.5
JACKSONVILLE
12/1 9:00 PM ET
Tennessee -1
N.Y. JETS
PIKER PICKS: WEEK 12 RESULTS
Well, the Dolphins have my attention again. Not that I stopped following at any point during the season -- they just started to bore me. Brian Griese looked like the savior in his first start as a Dolphin against the Chargers a few weeks ago. Of course, the Chargers can do that to just about anyone. But, since that wildfire game that was played in Tempe instead of San Diego, Griese has proven that he lacks eyes in the back of his head or any kind of instinct for what's going on around him in the pocket. Also, the guy's not the great leader his father was plus he tends to throw a lot of interceptions. For those reasons and others, Jay Fiedler is the guy in Miami. The irony is, the Dolphins probably can't win a Super Bowl with him, but then again, they can't win without him. The Long Island Jew with Dumbo ears came in off the bench and ignited the Dolphin offense, rediscovering stud wideout Chris Chambers, which took some pressure off the not-so-good-at-run-blocking offensive line and allowed Ricky to run, Ricky, run. You know, it seems like the pieces are there for the Dolphins to put some points on the board. Ricky is a phenomenal back, Chambers has the potential to be a superstar receiver, and Randy McMichael is already an outstanding tight end. Yet the Dolphins rarely seem to control the line of scrimmage or make big plays when they need to against good teams. They did on Sunday night against the Redskins and the bastards gave me some hope that they can actually make the playoffs and maybe even win a round before bowing out to the better teams in the AFC.
The AFC playoff picture is, in fact, quite clear at the moment. KC will win the West, New England will win the East, one of Indy or Tennessee will win the South and the other is guaranteed one of the two Wild Card spots, and Baltimore and Cincy will battle it out for the North. The Dolphins should be the other Wild Card. Of course, they are the Dolphins and could still find a way to hand their playoff spot to the Ravens/Bengals loser or the undeserving Broncos. How could the Broncos lose to the Bears in Denver late in the season? Atrocious. Shameful.
The NFC playoff picture is slightly muddier, but not too messy. Carolina will win the South. Minnesota and Green Bay will fight to the finish in the North, with the winner moving on and the loser going home for the holidays. St. Louis looks to have the inside track to take the West, with Seattle earning a Wild Card. And Dallas or Philly will win the East while the other one takes the second Wild Card.
The AFC doesn't even have any longshots at this point. Faint hope remains in the NFC for the defending champion Buccaneers, the Niners, and the Saints. But the odds are slim and none, and slim is heading for the locker room with a high ankle sprain.
As for the Week 12 Picks, Piker has to take his hat off to the oddsmakers. Mid to late season NFL games are out of control and seemingly unpredictable, and yet these Vegas guys are setting spreads with pinpoint accuracy. 7 games this week had final scores within one point of the spread. 7 games! Piker went 3-3-1 in those games. Baltimore covered by a half point, Indy and Buffalo pushed, Carolina was a point short, Minnesota was a half point short after giving up a meaningless touchdown at the end, the Jets were a point short, and both Tennessee and Tampa Bay covered by a half point each. Only four games finished over a touchdown off the spread, and you can really tell the upsets by these numbers -- Cleveland failed to cover by ten points and Denver failed to cover by nineteen and a half points, while Philly covered by an extra seven and a half points and Kansas City failed to cover by eight points. I know this isn't news, but the oddsmakers' proficiency is what makes it so difficult to pick these games. I'm in awe.
WON: Baltimore, Green Bay, Houston, Philadelphia, Arizona, Tennessee, Tampa Bay
LOST: Cleveland, Carolina, Minnesota, N.Y. Jets, Denver, Kansas City, San Diego, Miami
PUSHED: Indianapolis
So, Piker's weekly record was yet again sub-par and sub-.500 at 7-8-1. The season total sits precariously at 78-74-8. If the downward trend continues, Piker may soon have to start dipping into the grocery budget to continue the season-long experiment. But, hey, that's what Pikers do.
Well, the Dolphins have my attention again. Not that I stopped following at any point during the season -- they just started to bore me. Brian Griese looked like the savior in his first start as a Dolphin against the Chargers a few weeks ago. Of course, the Chargers can do that to just about anyone. But, since that wildfire game that was played in Tempe instead of San Diego, Griese has proven that he lacks eyes in the back of his head or any kind of instinct for what's going on around him in the pocket. Also, the guy's not the great leader his father was plus he tends to throw a lot of interceptions. For those reasons and others, Jay Fiedler is the guy in Miami. The irony is, the Dolphins probably can't win a Super Bowl with him, but then again, they can't win without him. The Long Island Jew with Dumbo ears came in off the bench and ignited the Dolphin offense, rediscovering stud wideout Chris Chambers, which took some pressure off the not-so-good-at-run-blocking offensive line and allowed Ricky to run, Ricky, run. You know, it seems like the pieces are there for the Dolphins to put some points on the board. Ricky is a phenomenal back, Chambers has the potential to be a superstar receiver, and Randy McMichael is already an outstanding tight end. Yet the Dolphins rarely seem to control the line of scrimmage or make big plays when they need to against good teams. They did on Sunday night against the Redskins and the bastards gave me some hope that they can actually make the playoffs and maybe even win a round before bowing out to the better teams in the AFC.
The AFC playoff picture is, in fact, quite clear at the moment. KC will win the West, New England will win the East, one of Indy or Tennessee will win the South and the other is guaranteed one of the two Wild Card spots, and Baltimore and Cincy will battle it out for the North. The Dolphins should be the other Wild Card. Of course, they are the Dolphins and could still find a way to hand their playoff spot to the Ravens/Bengals loser or the undeserving Broncos. How could the Broncos lose to the Bears in Denver late in the season? Atrocious. Shameful.
The NFC playoff picture is slightly muddier, but not too messy. Carolina will win the South. Minnesota and Green Bay will fight to the finish in the North, with the winner moving on and the loser going home for the holidays. St. Louis looks to have the inside track to take the West, with Seattle earning a Wild Card. And Dallas or Philly will win the East while the other one takes the second Wild Card.
The AFC doesn't even have any longshots at this point. Faint hope remains in the NFC for the defending champion Buccaneers, the Niners, and the Saints. But the odds are slim and none, and slim is heading for the locker room with a high ankle sprain.
As for the Week 12 Picks, Piker has to take his hat off to the oddsmakers. Mid to late season NFL games are out of control and seemingly unpredictable, and yet these Vegas guys are setting spreads with pinpoint accuracy. 7 games this week had final scores within one point of the spread. 7 games! Piker went 3-3-1 in those games. Baltimore covered by a half point, Indy and Buffalo pushed, Carolina was a point short, Minnesota was a half point short after giving up a meaningless touchdown at the end, the Jets were a point short, and both Tennessee and Tampa Bay covered by a half point each. Only four games finished over a touchdown off the spread, and you can really tell the upsets by these numbers -- Cleveland failed to cover by ten points and Denver failed to cover by nineteen and a half points, while Philly covered by an extra seven and a half points and Kansas City failed to cover by eight points. I know this isn't news, but the oddsmakers' proficiency is what makes it so difficult to pick these games. I'm in awe.
WON: Baltimore, Green Bay, Houston, Philadelphia, Arizona, Tennessee, Tampa Bay
LOST: Cleveland, Carolina, Minnesota, N.Y. Jets, Denver, Kansas City, San Diego, Miami
PUSHED: Indianapolis
So, Piker's weekly record was yet again sub-par and sub-.500 at 7-8-1. The season total sits precariously at 78-74-8. If the downward trend continues, Piker may soon have to start dipping into the grocery budget to continue the season-long experiment. But, hey, that's what Pikers do.
PIKER'S POWER RANKINGS
After Week 12
(Rank Last Week in Parentheses)
1. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (1)
2. TENNESSEE TITANS (2)
3. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (4)
4. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (5)
5. CAROLINA PANTHERS (3)
6. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (6)
7. DALLAS COWBOYS (10)
8. ST. LOUIS RAMS (7)
9. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (8)
10. MIAMI DOLPHINS (11)
11. GREEN BAY PACKERS (12)
12. BALTIMORE RAVENS (13)
13. MINNESOTA VIKINGS (14)
14. CINCINNATI BENGALS (16)
15. DENVER BRONCOS (9)
16. TAMPA BAY BUCS (18)
17. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (15)
18. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (17)
19. WASHINGTON REDSKINS (19)
20. NEW YORK JETS (23)
21. HOUSTON TEXANS (21)
22. PITTSBURGH STEELERS (24)
23. CHICAGO BEARS (26)
24. CLEVELAND BROWNS (20)
25. NEW YORK GIANTS (22)
26. BUFFALO BILLS (25)
27. ARIZONA CARDINALS (28)
28. OAKLAND RAIDERS (32)
29. DETROIT LIONS (29)
30. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (27)
31. ATLANTA FALCONS (30)
32. SAN DIEGO CHARGERS (31)
After Week 12
(Rank Last Week in Parentheses)
1. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (1)
2. TENNESSEE TITANS (2)
3. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (4)
4. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (5)
5. CAROLINA PANTHERS (3)
6. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (6)
7. DALLAS COWBOYS (10)
8. ST. LOUIS RAMS (7)
9. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (8)
10. MIAMI DOLPHINS (11)
11. GREEN BAY PACKERS (12)
12. BALTIMORE RAVENS (13)
13. MINNESOTA VIKINGS (14)
14. CINCINNATI BENGALS (16)
15. DENVER BRONCOS (9)
16. TAMPA BAY BUCS (18)
17. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (15)
18. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (17)
19. WASHINGTON REDSKINS (19)
20. NEW YORK JETS (23)
21. HOUSTON TEXANS (21)
22. PITTSBURGH STEELERS (24)
23. CHICAGO BEARS (26)
24. CLEVELAND BROWNS (20)
25. NEW YORK GIANTS (22)
26. BUFFALO BILLS (25)
27. ARIZONA CARDINALS (28)
28. OAKLAND RAIDERS (32)
29. DETROIT LIONS (29)
30. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (27)
31. ATLANTA FALCONS (30)
32. SAN DIEGO CHARGERS (31)
Saturday, November 22, 2003
PIKER PICKS: WEEK 12
Home Team in CAPS
Piker Picks in Bold
11/23 1:00 PM ET
Seattle
BALTIMORE -2.5
Indianapolis -3
BUFFALO
Pittsburgh
CLEVELAND -3
Carolina
DALLAS -3
San Francisco
GREEN BAY -4.5
New England -5.5
HOUSTON
Detroit
MINNESOTA -10.5
Jacksonville
N.Y. JETS -4
New Orleans
PHILADELPHIA -5.5
11/23 4:05 PM ET
St. Louis -7.5
ARIZONA
Chicago
DENVER -10.5
Tennessee -6.5
ATLANTA
Oakland
KANSAS CITY -11
Cincinnati -3
SAN DIEGO
11/23 8:30 PM ET
Washington
MIAMI -6.5
11/24 9:00 PM ET
N.Y. Giants
TAMPA BAY -5.5
Home Team in CAPS
Piker Picks in Bold
11/23 1:00 PM ET
Seattle
BALTIMORE -2.5
Indianapolis -3
BUFFALO
Pittsburgh
CLEVELAND -3
Carolina
DALLAS -3
San Francisco
GREEN BAY -4.5
New England -5.5
HOUSTON
Detroit
MINNESOTA -10.5
Jacksonville
N.Y. JETS -4
New Orleans
PHILADELPHIA -5.5
11/23 4:05 PM ET
St. Louis -7.5
ARIZONA
Chicago
DENVER -10.5
Tennessee -6.5
ATLANTA
Oakland
KANSAS CITY -11
Cincinnati -3
SAN DIEGO
11/23 8:30 PM ET
Washington
MIAMI -6.5
11/24 9:00 PM ET
N.Y. Giants
TAMPA BAY -5.5
PIKER PICKS: WEEK 11 RESULTS
The flat out funniest response I ever got to the mundane question, "What's up?" was an expressionless "I can't call it." That's the way I feel about picking NFL games these days. After Week 9, the overall record for Piker Picks climbed to a season-high 14 games over .500. Factoring in Week 10 and Week 11, Piker Picks season totals currently stand at 71-66-7, only 5 measly games over the .500 mark. Actually, if you can believe it, last week's 6-10 result was an improvement over the previous two weeks. Truthfully, I don't think it's the Piker staff that has all of a sudden lost its ability to pick games, I think it's the NFL that's gone wacky. Last week wasn't so much about the staggering amount of upsets as much as it was about good teams not covering against bad teams (and the Piker staff's poor guesswork). Cincinnati beating KC was pretty shocking, although you kept wondering how long the Chiefs could go without a letdown. Most surprisingly, it was the Bengals' special teams that got the best of the Chiefs' and was the difference in the game. Also, former overall #1 draft pick Peter Warick broke out with what had to be his best game as a pro, and sent a message to the league that he can't quite be considered a bust yet. The Browns showed up last Sunday, tattooing the can't-compete-on-the-road Cardinals. I'm not exactly sure why, but Kelly Holcombe has become one of my favorite players. Last week's Piker Power Rankings had the Raiders dead last at #32. Maybe they had to hit rock bottom before they got well, because they snapped their losing streak by vanquishing the Vikings in Oakland. Minnesota is now going out of their way to prove to everyone that their 6-0 start was indeed inflated, as they've sprung a major leak and fallen back to Earth and landed with a heavy thud. Oh, and it now looks like the World Champion Tampa Bay Buccaneers will not be able to make it to the playoff party after losing to the Green Bay Packers and dropping to 4-6 on the year. And finally, the Dolphins won ugly at home against the Ravens, but hey, at least they won.
WON: Baltimore, Philadelphia, Indianapolis, Green Bay, New England, San Francisco
LOST: Buffalo, Carolina, St. Louis, Kansas City, Arizona, New Orleans, Tennessee, San Diego, Minnesota, Detroit
So, it was a 6-10 week that brought the overall record to 71-66-7. As of press time, it looks as though Piker will be picking alone this week for the first time all season. So, I don't know how quickly I would run to the bookie based on this week's Piker Picks. Then again, you may want to use it as a guide for what not to pick. If anyone decides to bet the opposite of Piker Picks, let me know the results, because we could be on to something here...
The flat out funniest response I ever got to the mundane question, "What's up?" was an expressionless "I can't call it." That's the way I feel about picking NFL games these days. After Week 9, the overall record for Piker Picks climbed to a season-high 14 games over .500. Factoring in Week 10 and Week 11, Piker Picks season totals currently stand at 71-66-7, only 5 measly games over the .500 mark. Actually, if you can believe it, last week's 6-10 result was an improvement over the previous two weeks. Truthfully, I don't think it's the Piker staff that has all of a sudden lost its ability to pick games, I think it's the NFL that's gone wacky. Last week wasn't so much about the staggering amount of upsets as much as it was about good teams not covering against bad teams (and the Piker staff's poor guesswork). Cincinnati beating KC was pretty shocking, although you kept wondering how long the Chiefs could go without a letdown. Most surprisingly, it was the Bengals' special teams that got the best of the Chiefs' and was the difference in the game. Also, former overall #1 draft pick Peter Warick broke out with what had to be his best game as a pro, and sent a message to the league that he can't quite be considered a bust yet. The Browns showed up last Sunday, tattooing the can't-compete-on-the-road Cardinals. I'm not exactly sure why, but Kelly Holcombe has become one of my favorite players. Last week's Piker Power Rankings had the Raiders dead last at #32. Maybe they had to hit rock bottom before they got well, because they snapped their losing streak by vanquishing the Vikings in Oakland. Minnesota is now going out of their way to prove to everyone that their 6-0 start was indeed inflated, as they've sprung a major leak and fallen back to Earth and landed with a heavy thud. Oh, and it now looks like the World Champion Tampa Bay Buccaneers will not be able to make it to the playoff party after losing to the Green Bay Packers and dropping to 4-6 on the year. And finally, the Dolphins won ugly at home against the Ravens, but hey, at least they won.
WON: Baltimore, Philadelphia, Indianapolis, Green Bay, New England, San Francisco
LOST: Buffalo, Carolina, St. Louis, Kansas City, Arizona, New Orleans, Tennessee, San Diego, Minnesota, Detroit
So, it was a 6-10 week that brought the overall record to 71-66-7. As of press time, it looks as though Piker will be picking alone this week for the first time all season. So, I don't know how quickly I would run to the bookie based on this week's Piker Picks. Then again, you may want to use it as a guide for what not to pick. If anyone decides to bet the opposite of Piker Picks, let me know the results, because we could be on to something here...
PIKER POWER RANKINGS
After Week 11
(Rank Last Week in Parentheses)
1. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (1)
2. TENNESSEE TITANS (2)
3. CAROLINA PANTHERS (3)
4. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (4)
5. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (5)
6. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (8)
7. ST. LOUIS RAMS (6)
8. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (9)
9. DENVER BRONCOS (14)
10. DALLAS COWBOYS (7)
11. MIAMI DOLPHINS (11)
12. GREEN BAY PACKERS (15)
13. BALTIMORE RAVENS (12)
14. MINNESOTA VIKINGS (10)
15. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (17)
16. CINCINNATI BENGALS (19)
17. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (18)
18. TAMPA BAY BUCS (13)
19. WASHINGTON REDSKINS (16)
20. CLEVELAND BROWNS (24)
21. HOUSTON TEXANS (25)
22. NEW YORK GIANTS (20)
23. NEW YORK JETS (21)
24. PITTSBURGH STEELERS (23)
25. BUFFALO BILLS (22)
26. CHICAGO BEARS (28)
27. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (29)
28. ARIZONA CARDINALS (26)
29. DETROIT LIONS (27)
30. ATLANTA FALCONS (31)
31. SAN DIEGO CHARGERS (30)
32. OAKLAND RAIDERS (32)
After Week 11
(Rank Last Week in Parentheses)
1. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (1)
2. TENNESSEE TITANS (2)
3. CAROLINA PANTHERS (3)
4. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (4)
5. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (5)
6. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (8)
7. ST. LOUIS RAMS (6)
8. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (9)
9. DENVER BRONCOS (14)
10. DALLAS COWBOYS (7)
11. MIAMI DOLPHINS (11)
12. GREEN BAY PACKERS (15)
13. BALTIMORE RAVENS (12)
14. MINNESOTA VIKINGS (10)
15. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (17)
16. CINCINNATI BENGALS (19)
17. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (18)
18. TAMPA BAY BUCS (13)
19. WASHINGTON REDSKINS (16)
20. CLEVELAND BROWNS (24)
21. HOUSTON TEXANS (25)
22. NEW YORK GIANTS (20)
23. NEW YORK JETS (21)
24. PITTSBURGH STEELERS (23)
25. BUFFALO BILLS (22)
26. CHICAGO BEARS (28)
27. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (29)
28. ARIZONA CARDINALS (26)
29. DETROIT LIONS (27)
30. ATLANTA FALCONS (31)
31. SAN DIEGO CHARGERS (30)
32. OAKLAND RAIDERS (32)
Saturday, November 15, 2003
PIKER PICKS: WEEK 11
Home Team in CAPS
Piker Picks in Bold
11/16 1:00 PM ET
(3-6) Houston
(4-5) BUFFALO -7
(4-5) Washington
(7-2) CAROLINA -6
(6-3) St. Louis -6
(3-6) CHICAGO
(9-0) Kansas City -6
(4-5) CINCINNATI
(3-6) Arizona
(3-6) CLEVELAND -6
(5-4) Baltimore
(5-4) MIAMI -6
(2-7) Atlanta
(4-5) NEW ORLEANS -8.5
(4-5) N.Y. Giants
(6-3) PHILADELPHIA -3.5
(2-7) Jacksonville
(7-2) TENNESSEE -10
11/16 4:05 PM ET
(2-7) San Diego
(5-4) DENVER -8
(3-6) N.Y. Jets
(7-2) INDIANAPOLIS -6
(6-3) Minnesota -4.5
(2-7) OAKLAND
(3-6) Detroit
(6-3) SEATTLE -10
(4-5) Green Bay
(4-5) TAMPA BAY -4
11/16 8:30 PM ET
(7-2) Dallas
(7-2) NEW ENGLAND -4
11/17 9:00 PM ET
(3-6) Pittsburgh
(4-5) SAN FRANCISCO -4
Home Team in CAPS
Piker Picks in Bold
11/16 1:00 PM ET
(3-6) Houston
(4-5) BUFFALO -7
(4-5) Washington
(7-2) CAROLINA -6
(6-3) St. Louis -6
(3-6) CHICAGO
(9-0) Kansas City -6
(4-5) CINCINNATI
(3-6) Arizona
(3-6) CLEVELAND -6
(5-4) Baltimore
(5-4) MIAMI -6
(2-7) Atlanta
(4-5) NEW ORLEANS -8.5
(4-5) N.Y. Giants
(6-3) PHILADELPHIA -3.5
(2-7) Jacksonville
(7-2) TENNESSEE -10
11/16 4:05 PM ET
(2-7) San Diego
(5-4) DENVER -8
(3-6) N.Y. Jets
(7-2) INDIANAPOLIS -6
(6-3) Minnesota -4.5
(2-7) OAKLAND
(3-6) Detroit
(6-3) SEATTLE -10
(4-5) Green Bay
(4-5) TAMPA BAY -4
11/16 8:30 PM ET
(7-2) Dallas
(7-2) NEW ENGLAND -4
11/17 9:00 PM ET
(3-6) Pittsburgh
(4-5) SAN FRANCISCO -4
Thursday, November 13, 2003
BINGO!
News from the "craziest thing you've ever heard" desk...
This past weekend, one of my greatest friends in the whole wide world left a message for me to call him back as soon as possible. As soon as I called him, he said, "Guess what?" I said, "You won the lottery." He replied, "No. But close. My parents did." One of my favorite families on the planet hit the jackpot as sole winners of the Florida lottery and a cool $15 million. My friend's Dad -- who happens to be a terrific guy and one of the funniest people I know -- played the same twenty sets of numbers he's been playing every week for God knows how long. Sunday morning, he plugged the numbers into his custom-made lotto spreadsheet and Bam! -- one ticket had six matches. He called his wife into the room -- who is also a wonderful woman and a riot in her own right -- and told her they just won the lottery. She dryly fired back, "Yeah right, you win the lottery every week." He assured her this was no joke and they called up their son and daughter -- who are honestly two of my closest friends -- to tell them the big news. Did I happen to mention that these are four of my all-time favorite people?
Congratulations! It couldn't happen to a nicer family.
News from the "craziest thing you've ever heard" desk...
This past weekend, one of my greatest friends in the whole wide world left a message for me to call him back as soon as possible. As soon as I called him, he said, "Guess what?" I said, "You won the lottery." He replied, "No. But close. My parents did." One of my favorite families on the planet hit the jackpot as sole winners of the Florida lottery and a cool $15 million. My friend's Dad -- who happens to be a terrific guy and one of the funniest people I know -- played the same twenty sets of numbers he's been playing every week for God knows how long. Sunday morning, he plugged the numbers into his custom-made lotto spreadsheet and Bam! -- one ticket had six matches. He called his wife into the room -- who is also a wonderful woman and a riot in her own right -- and told her they just won the lottery. She dryly fired back, "Yeah right, you win the lottery every week." He assured her this was no joke and they called up their son and daughter -- who are honestly two of my closest friends -- to tell them the big news. Did I happen to mention that these are four of my all-time favorite people?
Congratulations! It couldn't happen to a nicer family.
PIKER PICKS: WEEK 10 RESULTS
We're through the looking glass here, people. Up is down. Down is up. Black is white. White is black.
- Kevin Costner as Jim Garrison in Oliver Stone's "JFK"
Few things made sense in the NFL this past weekend. The (1-7) Jacksonville Jaguars shocked the (7-1) Indianapolis Colts. The (1-7) San Diego Chargers upset the (6-2) Minnesota Vikings. The (1-7) Atlanta Falcons upended the (4-4) New York Giants in the Meadowlands. On their home turf, Tampa Bay's once-dominating defense allowed Carolina quarterback Jake Del Homme to lead his team down the field for the winning touchdown in the last two minutes and gave the Panthers a sweep of the regular season series over the Bucs. And take a long look below at just who is now the worst team in football -- last year's AFC Champion Oakland Raiders. What the f**k is going on here? This was easily the nuttiest week in the NFL so far, and I've already made that claim several times this season.
At least there were some things that held true to form -- KC remained undefeated by beating up on the disappointing Browns, Pittsburgh got back on the winning track by taking care of Arizona, Steve Spurrier pulled a ball play out of his ass to rescue the Redskins' reeling season and help bring the high-flying Seahawks back down to Earth, and the Miami Dolphins proved yet again that you can't count on them to block anyone or beat anyone after November 1st.
As far as Piker's Picks are concerned... we're in trouble. Not only did the Warner Bros. pull the plug on "The Stones," in effect they pulled their financing for Piker's crack staff of expert prognosticators. Last week, using a reduced staff of three, Piker suffered through it's worst football weekend yet with a 3-8-3 mark. The oddsmakers had a hell of a week, nailing the exact spread on three games after totaling four for the season heading into Week 10. Granted, this was without a doubt the most difficult week to handicap, what with all the upsets and such, but now Piker stares into the face of Week 11 armed only with his own football instincts. No staff. No discussion. Nothing. Just Piker and the Pigskin. Actually, that sounds like a pretty catchy title to an "Undersized Guy Comes Off the Bench to Lead His Team to Victory" Thanksgiving movie...
WON: Kansas City, Atlanta, Tennessee
LOST: Tampa Bay, Houston, Indianapolis, Arizona, Seattle, Minnesota, Baltimore, Green Bay
PUSHED: Chicago, Dallas, N.Y. Jets
Piker's record for the season took a giant leap backwards this week and now stands at: 65-56-7.
We're through the looking glass here, people. Up is down. Down is up. Black is white. White is black.
- Kevin Costner as Jim Garrison in Oliver Stone's "JFK"
Few things made sense in the NFL this past weekend. The (1-7) Jacksonville Jaguars shocked the (7-1) Indianapolis Colts. The (1-7) San Diego Chargers upset the (6-2) Minnesota Vikings. The (1-7) Atlanta Falcons upended the (4-4) New York Giants in the Meadowlands. On their home turf, Tampa Bay's once-dominating defense allowed Carolina quarterback Jake Del Homme to lead his team down the field for the winning touchdown in the last two minutes and gave the Panthers a sweep of the regular season series over the Bucs. And take a long look below at just who is now the worst team in football -- last year's AFC Champion Oakland Raiders. What the f**k is going on here? This was easily the nuttiest week in the NFL so far, and I've already made that claim several times this season.
At least there were some things that held true to form -- KC remained undefeated by beating up on the disappointing Browns, Pittsburgh got back on the winning track by taking care of Arizona, Steve Spurrier pulled a ball play out of his ass to rescue the Redskins' reeling season and help bring the high-flying Seahawks back down to Earth, and the Miami Dolphins proved yet again that you can't count on them to block anyone or beat anyone after November 1st.
As far as Piker's Picks are concerned... we're in trouble. Not only did the Warner Bros. pull the plug on "The Stones," in effect they pulled their financing for Piker's crack staff of expert prognosticators. Last week, using a reduced staff of three, Piker suffered through it's worst football weekend yet with a 3-8-3 mark. The oddsmakers had a hell of a week, nailing the exact spread on three games after totaling four for the season heading into Week 10. Granted, this was without a doubt the most difficult week to handicap, what with all the upsets and such, but now Piker stares into the face of Week 11 armed only with his own football instincts. No staff. No discussion. Nothing. Just Piker and the Pigskin. Actually, that sounds like a pretty catchy title to an "Undersized Guy Comes Off the Bench to Lead His Team to Victory" Thanksgiving movie...
WON: Kansas City, Atlanta, Tennessee
LOST: Tampa Bay, Houston, Indianapolis, Arizona, Seattle, Minnesota, Baltimore, Green Bay
PUSHED: Chicago, Dallas, N.Y. Jets
Piker's record for the season took a giant leap backwards this week and now stands at: 65-56-7.
PIKER'S POWER RANKINGS
After Week 10
(Rank Last Week in Parentheses)
1. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (1)
2. TENNESSEE TITANS (3)
3. CAROLINA PANTHERS (6)
4. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (4)
5. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (2)
6. ST. LOUIS RAMS (9)
7. DALLAS COWBOYS (11)
8. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (12)
9. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (7)
10. MINNESOTA VIKINGS (5)
11. MIAMI DOLPHINS (8)
12. BALTIMORE RAVENS (15)
13. TAMPA BAY BUCS (10)
14. DENVER BRONCOS (14)
15. GREEN BAY PACKERS (13)
16. WASHINGTON REDSKINS (20)
17. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (17)
18. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (18)
19. CINCINNATI BENGALS (21)
20. NEW YORK GIANTS (16)
21. NEW YORK JETS (22)
22. BUFFALO BILLS (19)
23. PITTSBURGH STEELERS (27)
24. CLEVELAND BROWNS (23)
25. HOUSTON TEXANS (24)
26. ARIZONA CARDINALS (26)
27. DETROIT LIONS (28)
28. CHICAGO BEARS (25)
29. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (30)
30. SAN DIEGO CHARGERS (31)
31. ATLANTA FALCONS (32)
32. OAKLAND RAIDERS (29)
After Week 10
(Rank Last Week in Parentheses)
1. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (1)
2. TENNESSEE TITANS (3)
3. CAROLINA PANTHERS (6)
4. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (4)
5. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (2)
6. ST. LOUIS RAMS (9)
7. DALLAS COWBOYS (11)
8. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (12)
9. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (7)
10. MINNESOTA VIKINGS (5)
11. MIAMI DOLPHINS (8)
12. BALTIMORE RAVENS (15)
13. TAMPA BAY BUCS (10)
14. DENVER BRONCOS (14)
15. GREEN BAY PACKERS (13)
16. WASHINGTON REDSKINS (20)
17. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (17)
18. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (18)
19. CINCINNATI BENGALS (21)
20. NEW YORK GIANTS (16)
21. NEW YORK JETS (22)
22. BUFFALO BILLS (19)
23. PITTSBURGH STEELERS (27)
24. CLEVELAND BROWNS (23)
25. HOUSTON TEXANS (24)
26. ARIZONA CARDINALS (26)
27. DETROIT LIONS (28)
28. CHICAGO BEARS (25)
29. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (30)
30. SAN DIEGO CHARGERS (31)
31. ATLANTA FALCONS (32)
32. OAKLAND RAIDERS (29)
Friday, November 07, 2003
420
I came across an extremely valuable piece of information at a dinner party last night. Apparently, the maximum weekly amount of unemployment in California is going up to $420 in January 2004. I mean... did they not consider the connotation of 420? In honor of the pay hike, I'm holding off on filing my claim until the beginning of January and then I'm going to smoke out at 4:20 while collecting my paycheck of $420, and I'm going to do it 420 times. Of course, that would bleed into 2005 and then things would be all screwed up because of inconsistency of the numeral 5 in 2005 instead of the 4 in 2004 and it would mean that I would have been unemployed for over a year. I really can't afford to do that again.
What I can afford to do is set myself up right for an indefinite hiatus, which begins as soon as I finish this post and leave the studio lot. Three things will help me accomplish this goal:
1) DirecTV, including all the movie channels and the NFL Sunday Ticket
2) PlayStation 2, which I purchased last night, along with the combo pack of greatest hits -- Grand Theft Auto III and Vice City
3) iPod, preferably the middle one with a 7000 song capacity
And there you have it -- the keys to a successful stretch of unemployment. I'm also toying with the idea of attempting to write a script every six weeks. That would total 8 pieces for 2004 and a headstart on #1 for 2005. But, with all that TV, video games, and music, who has time to write?
Finally, Piker would like to give a special birthday shout-out to J-Yoz. The Piker staff desperately tried to acquire the Paris Hilton Sex Video to send to The Wizard of Yoz as a b-day gift, but as it turns out, Piker doesn't have the pull. Instead, Piker is making up a T-shirt that says: "I Clicked On PIKER.BLOGSPOT.COM And All I Got Was This Crappy Birthday Shout-Out." Wear it in good health, my friend.
I came across an extremely valuable piece of information at a dinner party last night. Apparently, the maximum weekly amount of unemployment in California is going up to $420 in January 2004. I mean... did they not consider the connotation of 420? In honor of the pay hike, I'm holding off on filing my claim until the beginning of January and then I'm going to smoke out at 4:20 while collecting my paycheck of $420, and I'm going to do it 420 times. Of course, that would bleed into 2005 and then things would be all screwed up because of inconsistency of the numeral 5 in 2005 instead of the 4 in 2004 and it would mean that I would have been unemployed for over a year. I really can't afford to do that again.
What I can afford to do is set myself up right for an indefinite hiatus, which begins as soon as I finish this post and leave the studio lot. Three things will help me accomplish this goal:
1) DirecTV, including all the movie channels and the NFL Sunday Ticket
2) PlayStation 2, which I purchased last night, along with the combo pack of greatest hits -- Grand Theft Auto III and Vice City
3) iPod, preferably the middle one with a 7000 song capacity
And there you have it -- the keys to a successful stretch of unemployment. I'm also toying with the idea of attempting to write a script every six weeks. That would total 8 pieces for 2004 and a headstart on #1 for 2005. But, with all that TV, video games, and music, who has time to write?
Finally, Piker would like to give a special birthday shout-out to J-Yoz. The Piker staff desperately tried to acquire the Paris Hilton Sex Video to send to The Wizard of Yoz as a b-day gift, but as it turns out, Piker doesn't have the pull. Instead, Piker is making up a T-shirt that says: "I Clicked On PIKER.BLOGSPOT.COM And All I Got Was This Crappy Birthday Shout-Out." Wear it in good health, my friend.
PIKER PICKS: WEEK 10
Home Team in CAPS
Piker Picks in Bold
11/9 1:00 PM ET
(4-4) Tampa Bay -3
(6-2) CAROLINA
(3-5) Houston
(3-5) CINCINNATI -5
(3-5) Chicago
(2-6) DETROIT -2
(7-1) Indianapolis -6.5
(1-7) JACKSONVILLE
(3-5) Cleveland
(8-0) KANSAS CITY -9.5
(1-7) Atlanta
(4-4) N.Y. GIANTS -10.5
(3-5) Arizona
(2-6) PITTSBURGH -7
(5-3) Miami
(6-2) TENNESSEE -5
(6-2) Seattle -3
(3-5) WASHINGTON
11/9 4:05 PM ET
(6-2) Minnesota -5.5
(1-7) SAN DIEGO
(4-4) Buffalo
(6-2) DALLAS -4
(2-6) N.Y. Jets -3
(2-6) OAKLAND
11/9 8:30 PM ET
(5-3) Baltimore
(5-3) ST. LOUIS -7
11/10 9:00 PM ET
(5-3) Philadelphia
(4-4) GREEN BAY -4.5
Home Team in CAPS
Piker Picks in Bold
11/9 1:00 PM ET
(4-4) Tampa Bay -3
(6-2) CAROLINA
(3-5) Houston
(3-5) CINCINNATI -5
(3-5) Chicago
(2-6) DETROIT -2
(7-1) Indianapolis -6.5
(1-7) JACKSONVILLE
(3-5) Cleveland
(8-0) KANSAS CITY -9.5
(1-7) Atlanta
(4-4) N.Y. GIANTS -10.5
(3-5) Arizona
(2-6) PITTSBURGH -7
(5-3) Miami
(6-2) TENNESSEE -5
(6-2) Seattle -3
(3-5) WASHINGTON
11/9 4:05 PM ET
(6-2) Minnesota -5.5
(1-7) SAN DIEGO
(4-4) Buffalo
(6-2) DALLAS -4
(2-6) N.Y. Jets -3
(2-6) OAKLAND
11/9 8:30 PM ET
(5-3) Baltimore
(5-3) ST. LOUIS -7
11/10 9:00 PM ET
(5-3) Philadelphia
(4-4) GREEN BAY -4.5
PIKER'S POWER RANKINGS
After Week 9
(Rank Last Week in Parentheses)
1. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (1)
2. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (2)
3. TENNESSEE TITANS (3)
4. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (6)
5. MINNESOTA VIKINGS (4)
6. CAROLINA PANTHERS (5)
7. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (10)
8. MIAMI DOLPHINS (7)
9. ST. LOUIS RAMS (8)
10. TAMPA BAY BUCS (9)
11. DALLAS COWBOYS (12)
12. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (13)
13. GREEN BAY PACKERS (14)
14. DENVER BRONCOS (11)
15. BALTIMORE RAVENS (15)
16. NEW YORK GIANTS (16)
17. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (19)
18. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (21)
19. BUFFALO BILLS (18)
20. WASHINGTON REDSKINS (17)
21. CINCINNATI BENGALS (20)
22. NEW YORK JETS (22)
23. CLEVELAND BROWNS (23)
24. HOUSTON TEXANS (26)
25. CHICAGO BEARS (27)
26. ARIZONA CARDINALS (28)
27. PITTSBURGH STEELERS (24)
28. DETROIT LIONS (31)
29. OAKLAND RAIDERS (25)
30. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (29)
31. SAN DIEGO CHARGERS (30)
32. ATLANTA FALCONS (32)
After Week 9
(Rank Last Week in Parentheses)
1. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (1)
2. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (2)
3. TENNESSEE TITANS (3)
4. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (6)
5. MINNESOTA VIKINGS (4)
6. CAROLINA PANTHERS (5)
7. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (10)
8. MIAMI DOLPHINS (7)
9. ST. LOUIS RAMS (8)
10. TAMPA BAY BUCS (9)
11. DALLAS COWBOYS (12)
12. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (13)
13. GREEN BAY PACKERS (14)
14. DENVER BRONCOS (11)
15. BALTIMORE RAVENS (15)
16. NEW YORK GIANTS (16)
17. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (19)
18. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (21)
19. BUFFALO BILLS (18)
20. WASHINGTON REDSKINS (17)
21. CINCINNATI BENGALS (20)
22. NEW YORK JETS (22)
23. CLEVELAND BROWNS (23)
24. HOUSTON TEXANS (26)
25. CHICAGO BEARS (27)
26. ARIZONA CARDINALS (28)
27. PITTSBURGH STEELERS (24)
28. DETROIT LIONS (31)
29. OAKLAND RAIDERS (25)
30. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (29)
31. SAN DIEGO CHARGERS (30)
32. ATLANTA FALCONS (32)
PIKER PICKS: WEEK 9 RESULTS
Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Piker's editor-in-chief finally moved home offices this past weekend, shedding the shabby Palms Palace in Culver City-adjacent for a California Bungalow-ish fixer with amazing potential in the grooviest small town in LA -- Eagle Rock. Thus, the head of the acclaimed Piker staff didn't have a whole lot of time to watch football on Sunday. However, Piker saw enough to conclude that the participants in Super Bowl XXXVII are now shells of their former world-beating selves. Undoubtedly, this has been an incredibly unpredictable, topsy-turvy first half of the 2003 NFL season, but the Pewter & Black losing at home to the schizoid Saints and the Silver & Black getting pounded by the lowly Lions? To quote the great Slim Pickens from Mel Brooks' Blazing Saddles -- "What in the wide, wide world of sports is going on here? You guys are all dancing around like a bunch of Kansas City faggots!" Will the Chiefs lose a game this season? I asked Super Tight End Tony Gonzalez that very same question when I ran into him on the studio lot last week. He replied, "I hope so." Based on that little nugget, I'm sure you're wishing I transcribed the entire interview, but alas, My Girl has been hogging the transcribing device lately and the rest of my dialogue with Tony G will remain a mystery to the perennial perusers of Piker. My gut feeling is the Chiefs will go 15-1 or 14-2 and defeat a battered and bruised NFC winner to be named later in Super Bowl XXXVIII. Sadly, the only shot the Dolphins have of reaching The Big One is if the Piker staff bulked up and replaced the porous group of mammoth mammals Miami has hired to protect their tandem of mediocre quarterbacks.
WON: CHICAGO, DALLAS, HOUSTON, N.Y. GIANTS, CINCINNATI, PHILADELPHIA, NEW ENGLAND
LOST: OAKLAND, MIAMI, TAMPA BAY, PITTSBURGH, ST. LOUIS, MINNESOTA
PUSHED: BALTIMORE
Week 9 wasn't kind to the Piker peops, as the group posted a 7-6-1 mark. Our season stats now stand at: 62-48-4. Just about halfway to the coveted record of 25 games over .500. Previously, Piker promised to buy a round of drinks for all loyal followers of this frivolous site if the Piker staff hit that magic mark, but now Piker will revise the reward to a free beef supreme Chalupa from Taco Bell. Viva El Piker!
Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Piker's editor-in-chief finally moved home offices this past weekend, shedding the shabby Palms Palace in Culver City-adjacent for a California Bungalow-ish fixer with amazing potential in the grooviest small town in LA -- Eagle Rock. Thus, the head of the acclaimed Piker staff didn't have a whole lot of time to watch football on Sunday. However, Piker saw enough to conclude that the participants in Super Bowl XXXVII are now shells of their former world-beating selves. Undoubtedly, this has been an incredibly unpredictable, topsy-turvy first half of the 2003 NFL season, but the Pewter & Black losing at home to the schizoid Saints and the Silver & Black getting pounded by the lowly Lions? To quote the great Slim Pickens from Mel Brooks' Blazing Saddles -- "What in the wide, wide world of sports is going on here? You guys are all dancing around like a bunch of Kansas City faggots!" Will the Chiefs lose a game this season? I asked Super Tight End Tony Gonzalez that very same question when I ran into him on the studio lot last week. He replied, "I hope so." Based on that little nugget, I'm sure you're wishing I transcribed the entire interview, but alas, My Girl has been hogging the transcribing device lately and the rest of my dialogue with Tony G will remain a mystery to the perennial perusers of Piker. My gut feeling is the Chiefs will go 15-1 or 14-2 and defeat a battered and bruised NFC winner to be named later in Super Bowl XXXVIII. Sadly, the only shot the Dolphins have of reaching The Big One is if the Piker staff bulked up and replaced the porous group of mammoth mammals Miami has hired to protect their tandem of mediocre quarterbacks.
WON: CHICAGO, DALLAS, HOUSTON, N.Y. GIANTS, CINCINNATI, PHILADELPHIA, NEW ENGLAND
LOST: OAKLAND, MIAMI, TAMPA BAY, PITTSBURGH, ST. LOUIS, MINNESOTA
PUSHED: BALTIMORE
Week 9 wasn't kind to the Piker peops, as the group posted a 7-6-1 mark. Our season stats now stand at: 62-48-4. Just about halfway to the coveted record of 25 games over .500. Previously, Piker promised to buy a round of drinks for all loyal followers of this frivolous site if the Piker staff hit that magic mark, but now Piker will revise the reward to a free beef supreme Chalupa from Taco Bell. Viva El Piker!
Friday, October 31, 2003
INSIDER INFORMATION
The word has not hit the streets yet, so let me be the first to tell you that the plug has been pulled on "The Stones." Three episodes short of our order for 13, production has ceased. CBS has said they will air at least six episodes of the show in the Wednesday 9:30 PM slot starting in March. That means after a week or so of wrap, once again I find myself out of a job. But, this time, I'm armed with a produced episode in my assault on the sleazy world of talent representation. I must find an agent immediately. However, I am willing to finish out the season as a script coordinator/writers' assistant, if I cannot land a staff writing position. So, my bank account is about to get a lot lighter, but my hours are about to get a lot better...
The word has not hit the streets yet, so let me be the first to tell you that the plug has been pulled on "The Stones." Three episodes short of our order for 13, production has ceased. CBS has said they will air at least six episodes of the show in the Wednesday 9:30 PM slot starting in March. That means after a week or so of wrap, once again I find myself out of a job. But, this time, I'm armed with a produced episode in my assault on the sleazy world of talent representation. I must find an agent immediately. However, I am willing to finish out the season as a script coordinator/writers' assistant, if I cannot land a staff writing position. So, my bank account is about to get a lot lighter, but my hours are about to get a lot better...
PIKER PICKS: WEEK 9
Home Team in CAPS
Piker Picks in Bold
11/2 1:00 PM ET
(1-6) Jacksonville
(4-3) BALTIMORE -7
(1-6) San Diego
(2-5) CHICAGO -2.5
(3-4) Washington
(5-2) DALLAS -4.5
(2-5) Oakland -3
(1-6) DETROIT
(6-1) Carolina -6.5
(2-5) HOUSTON
(6-1) Indianapolis
(5-2) MIAMI -3
(3-4) N.Y. Giants -2.5
(2-5) N.Y. JETS
(3-5) New Orleans
(4-3) TAMPA BAY -8
11/2 4:05 PM ET
(3-4) Cincinnati -3
(2-5) ARIZONA
(2-5) Pittsburgh
(5-2) SEATTLE -4.5
(4-3) Philadelphia -4.5
(1-6) ATLANTA
(5-2) St. Louis -4
(3-5) SAN FRANCISCO
11/2 8:30 PM ET
(3-4) Green Bay
(6-1) MINNESOTA -4.5
11/3 9:00 PM ET
(6-2) New England
(5-3) DENVER -2.5
Home Team in CAPS
Piker Picks in Bold
11/2 1:00 PM ET
(1-6) Jacksonville
(4-3) BALTIMORE -7
(1-6) San Diego
(2-5) CHICAGO -2.5
(3-4) Washington
(5-2) DALLAS -4.5
(2-5) Oakland -3
(1-6) DETROIT
(6-1) Carolina -6.5
(2-5) HOUSTON
(6-1) Indianapolis
(5-2) MIAMI -3
(3-4) N.Y. Giants -2.5
(2-5) N.Y. JETS
(3-5) New Orleans
(4-3) TAMPA BAY -8
11/2 4:05 PM ET
(3-4) Cincinnati -3
(2-5) ARIZONA
(2-5) Pittsburgh
(5-2) SEATTLE -4.5
(4-3) Philadelphia -4.5
(1-6) ATLANTA
(5-2) St. Louis -4
(3-5) SAN FRANCISCO
11/2 8:30 PM ET
(3-4) Green Bay
(6-1) MINNESOTA -4.5
11/3 9:00 PM ET
(6-2) New England
(5-3) DENVER -2.5
Wednesday, October 29, 2003
AUTHOR, AUTHOR!
Finally. Last night, "The Stones" digitally recorded the first sitcom episode to bear my great name. After almost 7 seasons, I finally have a produced episode! Entitled "She Ain't Heavy, She's My Sister," the segment featured guest star Wendie Malick (still stunning) playing Barbara's (Judith Light) formerly fat sister. I'll mercifully spare you the rest of the details. The important thing is: It's in the can, I'm proud of myself, and I'm getting paid. I want to thank My Girl and My Friends for coming out to support me. I'll respect My Girl's privacy and not name her by name, but I will publicly thank Sam Linsky and Jeff Bye for braving the entire four hour marathon taping, Alvarez Wortham and Jeremy Rezumna for showing up for the last few scenes and partying afterwards, David Spancer and Dan Tobin for walking over from their respective shows on the lot to pay their respects, and Cory Goodman for making it to the all-important after-party. Plus, a big fat thank you to all of my relatively new friends on "The Stones" who buoyed my spirit during a fairly trying experience. The best feedback I got came from one of the writers who said, "No matter what happened during the production week or how many of your words remained in the shooting script, you earned this credit." I agree with him -- I did earn the credit. It was still a classy thing to say and a really nice thing to hear. Hopefully, this will prove to be the first of many produced episodes in my television career. Best case scenario would have the rest of the episodes read: Created by Barry Langer. A Piker Production.
Finally. Last night, "The Stones" digitally recorded the first sitcom episode to bear my great name. After almost 7 seasons, I finally have a produced episode! Entitled "She Ain't Heavy, She's My Sister," the segment featured guest star Wendie Malick (still stunning) playing Barbara's (Judith Light) formerly fat sister. I'll mercifully spare you the rest of the details. The important thing is: It's in the can, I'm proud of myself, and I'm getting paid. I want to thank My Girl and My Friends for coming out to support me. I'll respect My Girl's privacy and not name her by name, but I will publicly thank Sam Linsky and Jeff Bye for braving the entire four hour marathon taping, Alvarez Wortham and Jeremy Rezumna for showing up for the last few scenes and partying afterwards, David Spancer and Dan Tobin for walking over from their respective shows on the lot to pay their respects, and Cory Goodman for making it to the all-important after-party. Plus, a big fat thank you to all of my relatively new friends on "The Stones" who buoyed my spirit during a fairly trying experience. The best feedback I got came from one of the writers who said, "No matter what happened during the production week or how many of your words remained in the shooting script, you earned this credit." I agree with him -- I did earn the credit. It was still a classy thing to say and a really nice thing to hear. Hopefully, this will prove to be the first of many produced episodes in my television career. Best case scenario would have the rest of the episodes read: Created by Barry Langer. A Piker Production.
PIKER PICKS: WEEK 8 RESULTS
Crazy eights. The Chiefs are 8-0 and King of the Mountain right now. They are the only undefeated team left in the NFL after the Giants turned their schizophrenic season around in a hurry by handing the Vikings their first loss of the season in the Homerdome. San Fran is another Jeckyll and Hyde team, routing the Bucs one week and then losing to the lowly Cardinals the next. Cincinnati brought Seattle back down to Earth. Tampa did the same to Dallas, shutting them out in typical Buccaneer fashion. New England got a break when Cleveland decided to sleep in on Sunday and then the generous Browns even let the Pats kick a late field goal to cover the spread by a half point. Julius Peppers stepped up in OT to make damn sure the for-real Panthers didn't lose to the Saints. The Eagles and the Jets played a very entertaining game, with both teams seeming like they're on the rise. The Broncos desperately need Jake the Snake back to have any shot at the playoffs. The Bears proved they don't suck as bad as the Lions. When Mike Vick returns for Atlanta, Detroit will be the worst team in the league. Jacksonville sucks, Pittsburgh sucks, Buffalo sucks, and San Diego sucks. The Phins handily dispatched the Chargers on Monday night in what may have been the only "free admission" game in the modern era of the NFL. Things are starting to shake down. There are a ton of crappy to mediocre teams in the league, but the cream of the crop gives me hope for a phenomenal postseason.
The Piker staff went 9-5 for a the week. Not too shabby.
WON: Baltimore, Chicago, Tennessee, New England, Carolina, St. Louis, Tampa Bay, Houston, Miami
LOST: Seattle, Minnesota, San Francisco, N.Y. Jets, Buffalo
Piker's season mark now stands at: 55-42-3. When we get to 25 games over .500, drinks are on us.
Crazy eights. The Chiefs are 8-0 and King of the Mountain right now. They are the only undefeated team left in the NFL after the Giants turned their schizophrenic season around in a hurry by handing the Vikings their first loss of the season in the Homerdome. San Fran is another Jeckyll and Hyde team, routing the Bucs one week and then losing to the lowly Cardinals the next. Cincinnati brought Seattle back down to Earth. Tampa did the same to Dallas, shutting them out in typical Buccaneer fashion. New England got a break when Cleveland decided to sleep in on Sunday and then the generous Browns even let the Pats kick a late field goal to cover the spread by a half point. Julius Peppers stepped up in OT to make damn sure the for-real Panthers didn't lose to the Saints. The Eagles and the Jets played a very entertaining game, with both teams seeming like they're on the rise. The Broncos desperately need Jake the Snake back to have any shot at the playoffs. The Bears proved they don't suck as bad as the Lions. When Mike Vick returns for Atlanta, Detroit will be the worst team in the league. Jacksonville sucks, Pittsburgh sucks, Buffalo sucks, and San Diego sucks. The Phins handily dispatched the Chargers on Monday night in what may have been the only "free admission" game in the modern era of the NFL. Things are starting to shake down. There are a ton of crappy to mediocre teams in the league, but the cream of the crop gives me hope for a phenomenal postseason.
The Piker staff went 9-5 for a the week. Not too shabby.
WON: Baltimore, Chicago, Tennessee, New England, Carolina, St. Louis, Tampa Bay, Houston, Miami
LOST: Seattle, Minnesota, San Francisco, N.Y. Jets, Buffalo
Piker's season mark now stands at: 55-42-3. When we get to 25 games over .500, drinks are on us.