THE END



This is the end, beautiful friend
This is the end, my only friend, the end
Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
I'll never look into your eyes
Again

Can you picture what will be
So limitless and free
Desperately in need
Of some stranger's hand
In a desperate land
Lost in a Roman wilderness of pain
And all the children are insane
All the children are insane
Waiting for the summer rain

There's danger on the edge of town
Ride the king's highway, baby
Weird seems inside the gold mine
Ride the highway west, baby
Ride the snake
Ride the snake, to the lake, the ancient lake, baby
The snake is long seven miles
Ride the snake
He is old and his skin is cold

The West is the best
The West is the best
Get here and we'll do the rest
The blue bus is calling us
The blue bus is calling us
Driver, where you taking us

The killer awoke before dawn
He put his boots on
He took a face from the ancient gallery
And he walked on down the hall
He went to the room where his sister lived
And then he paid a visit to his brother
And then he walked on down the hall
And he came to a door,and he looked inside
"Father?" - "Yes, son?" - "I want to kill you,
Mother, I want to..."

Come on, baby, take a chance with us
Come on, baby, take a chance with us
And meet me at the back of the blue bus
(Blue bus still now...
Come on, girl)

This is the end, beautiful friend
This is the end, my only friend, the end
It hurts to set you free
But you'll never follow me
The end of laughter and soft lies
The end of night we tried to die
This is the end

THE PUNISHER



Three days before his thirty-third birthday, Andre Agassi became the oldest men's tennis player ever to hold the number one ranking. Playing at the U.S. Men's Clay Court Championships, Agassi catapulted over Lleyton Hewitt to take the top spot on the men's tour when he easily defeated Austria's Jurgen Melzer in the semifinals. In breaking Jimmy Connors record, the Punisher regained the number one ranking for the first time since September 10, 2000 when he ceded the mountaintop to his arch nemesis Pete Sampras. But, of course, Andre wasn't satisfied by the accomplishment and one-upped himself by pulling out a thrilling comeback victory over Andy Roddick in the final on Sunday. Agassi defeated the young American upstart for the fourth time against no loses, and in doing so, he picked up his fourth title of the year, including the Australian Open, and ran his overall match record to a dominating 23-1.

33 is flat out old for tennis. What Agassi is doing by ripping up the tour at his age is nothing short of miraculous. I'm turning 32 in a few months and I can barely muster the agility to touch my toes. Wait a minute... I still have toes?!

WILL THE REAL CANCUN PLEASE STAND UP



Unable to reconcile the perverse pleasure I took in viewing "The Real Cancun" and the guilt I felt afterwards, I turned to Salon's resident reality TV expert to help me make sense of the madness. "Beach Blanket Bimbology" reassures us that's it's okay to buy a ticket to see this raunchfest, whether you're a fan of reality television or you're repulsed by it but "dutifully march into the theater in order to document the decline of Western civilization..." Unfortunately for New Line and my friends who produced it, nobody seemed to be buying tickets for any reason, as "The Real Cancun" tallied some rather unimpressive box office numbers this weekend.