YOU HEARD IT HEAR FIRST, FOLKS!

The hottest couple in the world -- Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston -- are officially over! Their publicist confirmed they took at trip to Splitsville and never came back. Reading over the article, I was surprised to learn that they originally met on a blind date. That reminded me that I had a blind date scheduled for this evening, but it was canceled on account of rain. Oh, what might have been...

So, now that Brad and Jen are done, the most important question has got to be... Who is now the hottest couple in the world? Could it be Anna Kournivova and Enrique Iglesias? Nah. Physcially, they're certainly on fire, but she doesn't even play tennis anymore and I'm not sure what the hell he does besides her. Nick and Jessica are lame. J-Lo's hot, but Marc Anthony's not. J-Garner is hot, but Affleck has certainly seen his better days. SJP and Matthew Broderick? Pleeease... Could be Jude Law and Siena Miller. Could be Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin. If somebody pinned me down and forced me to submit my ballot right now, I suppose I'd have to cast my vote for Derek Jeter and Scarlett Johansson. But maybe, just maybe, the hottest couple in the world is now Flav-O-Flav and Brigette Nielson.

YEAR NEW HAPPY

Everything has just gone completely goofy in 2005. What the hell is going on? Are you guys freaking out too? I mean, it was as if one moment we were counting down -- backwards, I might add -- and then all of a sudden -- bam! -- just like that, it's a new year. Everything changed in an instant. Black is white. White is black. !upside-down is world The