LOOSE SLOTS AND PARTING SHOTS

Following my relaxing, game-playing, whale-watching week on Cape Cod, My Girl and I hopped back in the rental car and drove to Uncasville, Connecticut. Now, besides going to the movies and watching TV, there isn't a lot to do in Uncasville, except go to this gigantic Vegas-like casino called Mohegan Sun. We drove our Toyota Corolla through some nasty Providence, Rhode Island traffic and connected to a couple of other non-descript freeways, and then all of the sudden this black glass hotel tower rises out of the ground and instantly conjures up a Vegas flashback. Upon entering the hotel lobby and taking in the Native American-themed version of the Bellagio, I suddenly remembered that I hate casinos. But, we were meeting up with two groups of family, one carload from the Cape Cod house (including my mother, grandmother, and aunt) and one from New York, and I was going to have a good time regardless of my disdain for gambling institutions. We went out to a couple of extremely good dinners and continued to celebrate my mother's birthday and spent some real quality time with my cousins and great aunt from New York, that is, when they weren't pouring money into those evil slot machines. My favorite spot in the entire place was in front of a giant acquarium in one of the casino mall stores called OdySea. They had one big shark and lots of little sharks and a bunch of sting ray. That was where I found peace amidst the chaos. In evaluating Mohegan Sun, I must say that the area that needs the most improvement is service. I spent a great deal of time on the casino floor watching the machines mesmerize My Girl and My Family, on Saturday and Sunday mind you, and I don't recall seeing even a single cocktail waitress. The chip/coin redemption stations seemed to be placed well throughout the massive casino, but whenever we went to cash out we had trouble finding the one that we needed -- be it chip or coin -- or one that was open. I was frustrated and I wasn't even gambling! The best thing that came out of the Mohegan Sun portion of the vacation was my mother's admission of her gambling addiction. As of today, she has sworn it off. Not that she gambles that often, but when she does, she has absolutely no self-control. My mother and I have a very strong connection and the only times in my life I can remember feeling alienated from her, even for a moment, occurred while she was gambling. She gets this wild look in her eyes and can't tear her attention away from those dizzying devils. I hope she stays true to her word and I hope to never see that look in her eyes again.

PIKER RETURNS TO LITTLE FANFARE

I am back on the tainted soil of Los Angeles and happy to be here. I think I may finally be vacationed out. Although, I'm considering taking a trip down to Mexico for the upcoming Labor Day weekend. You'd venture I would go just to squeeze one last drop out of this whirlwind summer, but I'm actually starting to think like a rational adult. I believe it's time to stay in one place and attack my personal challenges head on -- namely acquiring a vehicle, obtaining a job, receiving health benefits, consolidating my debt, reinstating my subscription to The New Yorker, going off the dole, and work my way back into a life that includes disposable income.

My recent journey East included an amazing week on Cape Cod with most of my immediate family and My Girl. We rented this great house close to Skaket Beach in Orleans, where we played tons of games -- Dominoes, Rummikub, Phase 10 -- completed and shallacked a very difficult puzzle, and spent lots of time at the beach. Skaket Beach is unique. You can only swim at high tide because at low tide, the water recedes about a mile away from the beach, creating sandbars in its wake. Even when you walk the mile out to the water, it's too shallow to swim, you can only wade in it and try to avoid stepping on crabs. We also took a day and drove to the very tip of Cape Cod in Provincetown and went on a whale watch. The boat found a young humpback whale just outside the harbor and followed it for three hours or so as it breached, or leapt out of the water, over and over again. The highlight came as the whale, clearly aware of our presence, swam up to the boat just under where we were standing on deck, rolled over onto its back, gave us a close-up view of its belly and fins, then swam under the boat and came out the other side. I was tres mellow from the dramamine, but enjoyed the touristy three-hour tour much more than I thought I would.

Travelogue to resume later, as I must go tend to my neglected LA piker social life.