Wednesday, November 26, 2003

PIKER'S POLITICAL POWER RANKINGS

Democratic Candidates for President

1. Howard Dean

2. General Wesley K. Clark

3. Representative Dick Gephardt

4. Senator John Kerry

5. Senator John Edwards

6. Reverend Al Sharpton

7. Carol Moseley Braun

8. Senator Joe Lieberman

9. Representative Dennis Kucinich


PIKER'S PERSONAL FAVORITES

1. General Wesley K. Clark

2. Howard Dean

3. Senator John Edwards

4. Reverend Al Sharpton

5. Carol Moseley Braun

6. Senator Joe Lieberman

7. Representative Dennis Kucinich

8. Representative Dick Gephardt

9. Senator John Kerry

POLITICAL PIKER

Citing deep-seated skepticism and a general distrust for government after watching the news a few times and seeing the movie "JFK," Piker has never kept too close an eye on politics, much preferring any type of sports arena to the political arena. However, Piker has been reading Salon and Slate of late, partially due to a vested interest in the former, but mainly because of a newfound genuine curiosity for politics. It started with the recall election circus and has now segued neatly into the Battle for the White House. Granted, Piker is still a newbie when it comes to this stuff, armed with only a superficial knowledge of the issues and the history of the participants. But, Piker is in the game now and it'll just be a matter of time before the gaps are filled in. As a matter of fact, Piker watched the Democratic Candidates for President debate in Iowa on Monday. Enjoyed it too. The Reverend Al Sharpton was clearly the most entertaining of the group, without coming off like a radical lunatic. I'm not sure the same can be said for Representative Dennis Kucinich though. The debate was lively and spirited and almost all of the candidates had good showings, except Senator Joe Lieberman, who wasn't invited to the debate. Senator John Kerry and Representative Dick Gephardt acted as a tag team in going after frontrunner Howard Dean, but Dean held his own and probably garnered some sympathy from the two-pronged attack. Senator John Edwards was upbeat and positive and left a favorable impression, as did Carol Moseley Braun. But, my favorite candidate remains General Wesley K. Clark. The man makes me feel safe. I want him on that wall. I need him on that wall.

In case you missed it, a full transcript of the debate can be found here. For some insightful and incisive commentary and criticism, visit Slate's henchmen Saletan and Kaus.

Below, you will find the first installment of a brand new segment that Piker hopes to continue right up until the Democratic National Convention. Please be advised that Piker is a piker and doesn't know that much about any of this stuff, but Piker has good instincts and boasts of recognizing the star quality of one Bill Clinton at around this same point in the process back in the day. Take it for what it's worth.

PIKER PICKS: WEEK 13

Home Team in CAPS
Piker Picks in Bold

11/27 12:30 PM ET

Green Bay -6.5
DETROIT

11/27 4:05 PM ET

Miami
DALLAS -3

11/30 1:00 PM ET

San Francisco
BALTIMORE -3

Philadelphia
CAROLINA -1.5

Arizona
CHICAGO -4.5

Atlanta
HOUSTON -3

New England
INDIANAPOLIS -4

Buffalo
N.Y. GIANTS -3.5

Cincinnati
PITTSBURGH -3

Minnesota
ST. LOUIS -6

11/30 4:05 PM ET

New Orleans
WASHINGTON -1.5

Denver -3
OAKLAND

Kansas City -7
SAN DIEGO

Cleveland
SEATTLE -5.5

11/30 8:30 PM ET

Tampa Bay -3.5
JACKSONVILLE

12/1 9:00 PM ET

Tennessee -1
N.Y. JETS

PIKER PICKS: WEEK 12 RESULTS

Well, the Dolphins have my attention again. Not that I stopped following at any point during the season -- they just started to bore me. Brian Griese looked like the savior in his first start as a Dolphin against the Chargers a few weeks ago. Of course, the Chargers can do that to just about anyone. But, since that wildfire game that was played in Tempe instead of San Diego, Griese has proven that he lacks eyes in the back of his head or any kind of instinct for what's going on around him in the pocket. Also, the guy's not the great leader his father was plus he tends to throw a lot of interceptions. For those reasons and others, Jay Fiedler is the guy in Miami. The irony is, the Dolphins probably can't win a Super Bowl with him, but then again, they can't win without him. The Long Island Jew with Dumbo ears came in off the bench and ignited the Dolphin offense, rediscovering stud wideout Chris Chambers, which took some pressure off the not-so-good-at-run-blocking offensive line and allowed Ricky to run, Ricky, run. You know, it seems like the pieces are there for the Dolphins to put some points on the board. Ricky is a phenomenal back, Chambers has the potential to be a superstar receiver, and Randy McMichael is already an outstanding tight end. Yet the Dolphins rarely seem to control the line of scrimmage or make big plays when they need to against good teams. They did on Sunday night against the Redskins and the bastards gave me some hope that they can actually make the playoffs and maybe even win a round before bowing out to the better teams in the AFC.

The AFC playoff picture is, in fact, quite clear at the moment. KC will win the West, New England will win the East, one of Indy or Tennessee will win the South and the other is guaranteed one of the two Wild Card spots, and Baltimore and Cincy will battle it out for the North. The Dolphins should be the other Wild Card. Of course, they are the Dolphins and could still find a way to hand their playoff spot to the Ravens/Bengals loser or the undeserving Broncos. How could the Broncos lose to the Bears in Denver late in the season? Atrocious. Shameful.

The NFC playoff picture is slightly muddier, but not too messy. Carolina will win the South. Minnesota and Green Bay will fight to the finish in the North, with the winner moving on and the loser going home for the holidays. St. Louis looks to have the inside track to take the West, with Seattle earning a Wild Card. And Dallas or Philly will win the East while the other one takes the second Wild Card.

The AFC doesn't even have any longshots at this point. Faint hope remains in the NFC for the defending champion Buccaneers, the Niners, and the Saints. But the odds are slim and none, and slim is heading for the locker room with a high ankle sprain.

As for the Week 12 Picks, Piker has to take his hat off to the oddsmakers. Mid to late season NFL games are out of control and seemingly unpredictable, and yet these Vegas guys are setting spreads with pinpoint accuracy. 7 games this week had final scores within one point of the spread. 7 games! Piker went 3-3-1 in those games. Baltimore covered by a half point, Indy and Buffalo pushed, Carolina was a point short, Minnesota was a half point short after giving up a meaningless touchdown at the end, the Jets were a point short, and both Tennessee and Tampa Bay covered by a half point each. Only four games finished over a touchdown off the spread, and you can really tell the upsets by these numbers -- Cleveland failed to cover by ten points and Denver failed to cover by nineteen and a half points, while Philly covered by an extra seven and a half points and Kansas City failed to cover by eight points. I know this isn't news, but the oddsmakers' proficiency is what makes it so difficult to pick these games. I'm in awe.

WON: Baltimore, Green Bay, Houston, Philadelphia, Arizona, Tennessee, Tampa Bay

LOST: Cleveland, Carolina, Minnesota, N.Y. Jets, Denver, Kansas City, San Diego, Miami

PUSHED: Indianapolis

So, Piker's weekly record was yet again sub-par and sub-.500 at 7-8-1. The season total sits precariously at 78-74-8. If the downward trend continues, Piker may soon have to start dipping into the grocery budget to continue the season-long experiment. But, hey, that's what Pikers do.

PIKER'S POWER RANKINGS

After Week 12

(Rank Last Week in Parentheses)

1. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (1)

2. TENNESSEE TITANS (2)

3. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (4)

4. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (5)

5. CAROLINA PANTHERS (3)

6. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (6)

7. DALLAS COWBOYS (10)

8. ST. LOUIS RAMS (7)

9. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (8)

10. MIAMI DOLPHINS (11)

11. GREEN BAY PACKERS (12)

12. BALTIMORE RAVENS (13)

13. MINNESOTA VIKINGS (14)

14. CINCINNATI BENGALS (16)

15. DENVER BRONCOS (9)

16. TAMPA BAY BUCS (18)

17. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (15)

18. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (17)

19. WASHINGTON REDSKINS (19)

20. NEW YORK JETS (23)

21. HOUSTON TEXANS (21)

22. PITTSBURGH STEELERS (24)

23. CHICAGO BEARS (26)

24. CLEVELAND BROWNS (20)

25. NEW YORK GIANTS (22)

26. BUFFALO BILLS (25)

27. ARIZONA CARDINALS (28)

28. OAKLAND RAIDERS (32)

29. DETROIT LIONS (29)

30. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (27)

31. ATLANTA FALCONS (30)

32. SAN DIEGO CHARGERS (31)