INSIDER INFORMATION

The word has not hit the streets yet, so let me be the first to tell you that the plug has been pulled on "The Stones." Three episodes short of our order for 13, production has ceased. CBS has said they will air at least six episodes of the show in the Wednesday 9:30 PM slot starting in March. That means after a week or so of wrap, once again I find myself out of a job. But, this time, I'm armed with a produced episode in my assault on the sleazy world of talent representation. I must find an agent immediately. However, I am willing to finish out the season as a script coordinator/writers' assistant, if I cannot land a staff writing position. So, my bank account is about to get a lot lighter, but my hours are about to get a lot better...

PIKER PICKS: WEEK 9

Home Team in CAPS
Piker Picks in Bold


11/2 1:00 PM ET

(1-6) Jacksonville
(4-3) BALTIMORE -7

(1-6) San Diego
(2-5) CHICAGO -2.5

(3-4) Washington
(5-2) DALLAS -4.5

(2-5) Oakland -3
(1-6) DETROIT

(6-1) Carolina -6.5
(2-5) HOUSTON

(6-1) Indianapolis
(5-2) MIAMI -3

(3-4) N.Y. Giants -2.5
(2-5) N.Y. JETS

(3-5) New Orleans
(4-3) TAMPA BAY -8

11/2 4:05 PM ET

(3-4) Cincinnati -3
(2-5) ARIZONA

(2-5) Pittsburgh
(5-2) SEATTLE -4.5

(4-3) Philadelphia -4.5
(1-6) ATLANTA

(5-2) St. Louis -4
(3-5) SAN FRANCISCO

11/2 8:30 PM ET

(3-4) Green Bay
(6-1) MINNESOTA -4.5

11/3 9:00 PM ET

(6-2) New England
(5-3) DENVER -2.5

AUTHOR, AUTHOR!

Finally. Last night, "The Stones" digitally recorded the first sitcom episode to bear my great name. After almost 7 seasons, I finally have a produced episode! Entitled "She Ain't Heavy, She's My Sister," the segment featured guest star Wendie Malick (still stunning) playing Barbara's (Judith Light) formerly fat sister. I'll mercifully spare you the rest of the details. The important thing is: It's in the can, I'm proud of myself, and I'm getting paid. I want to thank My Girl and My Friends for coming out to support me. I'll respect My Girl's privacy and not name her by name, but I will publicly thank Sam Linsky and Jeff Bye for braving the entire four hour marathon taping, Alvarez Wortham and Jeremy Rezumna for showing up for the last few scenes and partying afterwards, David Spancer and Dan Tobin for walking over from their respective shows on the lot to pay their respects, and Cory Goodman for making it to the all-important after-party. Plus, a big fat thank you to all of my relatively new friends on "The Stones" who buoyed my spirit during a fairly trying experience. The best feedback I got came from one of the writers who said, "No matter what happened during the production week or how many of your words remained in the shooting script, you earned this credit." I agree with him -- I did earn the credit. It was still a classy thing to say and a really nice thing to hear. Hopefully, this will prove to be the first of many produced episodes in my television career. Best case scenario would have the rest of the episodes read: Created by Barry Langer. A Piker Production.

PIKER PICKS: WEEK 8 RESULTS

Crazy eights. The Chiefs are 8-0 and King of the Mountain right now. They are the only undefeated team left in the NFL after the Giants turned their schizophrenic season around in a hurry by handing the Vikings their first loss of the season in the Homerdome. San Fran is another Jeckyll and Hyde team, routing the Bucs one week and then losing to the lowly Cardinals the next. Cincinnati brought Seattle back down to Earth. Tampa did the same to Dallas, shutting them out in typical Buccaneer fashion. New England got a break when Cleveland decided to sleep in on Sunday and then the generous Browns even let the Pats kick a late field goal to cover the spread by a half point. Julius Peppers stepped up in OT to make damn sure the for-real Panthers didn't lose to the Saints. The Eagles and the Jets played a very entertaining game, with both teams seeming like they're on the rise. The Broncos desperately need Jake the Snake back to have any shot at the playoffs. The Bears proved they don't suck as bad as the Lions. When Mike Vick returns for Atlanta, Detroit will be the worst team in the league. Jacksonville sucks, Pittsburgh sucks, Buffalo sucks, and San Diego sucks. The Phins handily dispatched the Chargers on Monday night in what may have been the only "free admission" game in the modern era of the NFL. Things are starting to shake down. There are a ton of crappy to mediocre teams in the league, but the cream of the crop gives me hope for a phenomenal postseason.

The Piker staff went 9-5 for a the week. Not too shabby.

WON: Baltimore, Chicago, Tennessee, New England, Carolina, St. Louis, Tampa Bay, Houston, Miami

LOST: Seattle, Minnesota, San Francisco, N.Y. Jets, Buffalo

Piker's season mark now stands at: 55-42-3. When we get to 25 games over .500, drinks are on us.

PIKER'S POWER RANKINGS

After Week 8

(Rank Last Week in Parentheses)

1. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (1)

2. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (3)

3. TENNESSEE TITANS (4)

4. MINNESOTA VIKINGS (2)

5. CAROLINA PANTHERS (5)

6. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (6)

7. MIAMI DOLPHINS (7)

8. ST. LOUIS RAMS (10)

9. TAMPA BAY BUCS (11)

10. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (8)

11. DENVER BRONCOS (9)

12. DALLAS COWBOYS (12)

13. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (15)

14. GREEN BAY PACKERS (13)

15. BALTIMORE RAVENS (18)

16. NEW YORK GIANTS (23)

17. WASHINGTON REDSKINS (17)

18. BUFFALO BILLS (14)

19. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (16)

20. CINCINNATI BENGALS (22)

21. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (21)

22. NEW YORK JETS (24)

23. CLEVELAND BROWNS (19)

24. PITTSBURGH STEELERS (20)

25. OAKLAND RAIDERS (25)

26. HOUSTON TEXANS (26)

27. CHICAGO BEARS (29)

28. ARIZONA CARDINALS (31)

29. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (28)

30. SAN DIEGO CHARGERS (27)

31. DETROIT LIONS (30)

32. ATLANTA FALCONS (32)