ROTTEN TO THE CORE

On Friday night, a very good film geek friend and Piker enthusiast convinced My Girl and I to attend a midnight movie at The Nuart. The only thing he told us about "The Apple" was that it's so bad it turns deliciously good. Taking his vague description and obvious excitement on faith, we ventured into West L.A. minutes before midnight. Lo and behold, many many more film geeks got wind of the special screening, the first of this campy musical in 20 years! It was a scene. "Dimented and sad, but social." The massive throng waited patiently and in an orderly fashion, as the line wound its way around the corner. Hurriedly, I dropped My Film Geek Friend and My Girl off at the entrance and desperately searched for a parking spot. After finally finding a legitimate place to leave my car, I rushed to find my crew in line. After scanning the entire length of the line, I still had not found them. Then I realized that was the line for the box office! Another line of movie goobers was making its way around the opposite corner of the theater, all the way down the alley, anxiously waiting for the opportunity to enter and score some seats. Luckily, I found My Film Geek Friend (MFGF) and My Girl in the seat line and was reunited with my crew. Just in time too. Apparently, My Film Geek Friend was so amped up by the scene, he was driving My Girl mad, rapidly ranting how we were part of the beginning of something special... the creation of a new Rocky Horror Picture Show phenomenon. At long last, the line began to move and within moments a big-haired big guy was ripping our ticket stubs. MFGF sprinted into the theater and corraled us some prime seats. A few minutes later, the big-haired big guy was standing on the little stage in front of the screen and counting down the top-drawing midnight movies in the Nuart's history, ramping up to the new #1, "The Apple", with a paid attendence of some 350 nerds. Apparently, the big-haired big guy worked very hard to get people to come see this movie and was astonished at just how successful his campaign had been. "How did you people find out?", asked the curious curator. I don't know how everyone else got there, but I sure know that MFGF was responsible for getting My Girl and I into that theater for what turned out to be an incredible movie experience. I now understand why MFGF did not and could not describe the movie to us beyond "It's so bad it's good." "The Apple" is jaw-droppingly rotten, so much so that you can't help but laugh out loud, shake your head, and ask "What were they thinking?" The answer to that question was provided by an opening reel of trailers by Golan-Globus, the producer-director team responsible for "The Apple" and other such dreck, including "Sword of the Barbarians" and "Schizoid." Their intentions were to collect as many overseas movie-going dollars as possible and nothing more. Little did they know, they were unintentionally creating cult classics in the process.