PENIS MYSTERY SOLVED
Using shrewd deductive reasoning, I have concluded that the web page claiming to contain a picture of my penis was a hoax. The penis in the picture does not belong to me. My girlfriend certainly didn't post it. My mom didn't even send it. Some practical joker/hacker somehow made it appear that the email was coming from my mother, but when questioned, my mother didn't know anything about it. I smelled foul play. When I took a closer look at the penis in question, I realized that the web page had been altered to purposely attribute the sad schlong to me. Following some lengthly research, at long last I unearthed the original page. I'm not sure if this Schiffer fellow was responsible for the hoax or not, but my deepest sympathies go out to him if that is indeed a picture of his pathetic putz.