PIKER PICKS: THE OSCARS

I'm a creature of habit. And I've become accustomed to the Academy Awards contributing to March Madness year after year, working in tandem with the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament to make March my favorite month that doesn't contain my birthday. But, here we are on Leap Day, hanging out with the security guard assigned to us to make sure we don't lose or damage all that expensive jewelry we've been loaned for this evening's Big Event. I love the Oscars. It's not so much the ceremony that gives me so much pleasure as the handicapping. Tonight marks the culmination of an Oscar tracking process that began last year at this time when I entered a little handicapping venture called The Producers Game. (More on The Producers Game later.)

Before I make my predictions, I must credit David Poland, who practically makes his living charting the ups and downs of Oscar season, with any inside knowledge I might have in the matter. And away we go...

BEST ACTOR - LEADING

Sean Penn - Mystic River
Although I'm secretly rooting for Bill Murray.

BEST ACTRESS - LEADING

Charlize Theron - Monster

BEST ACTOR - SUPPORTING

Tim Robbins - Mystic River

BEST ACTRESS - SUPPORTING

Shohreh Aghdashloo - House of Sand and Fog
But really I'll be happy with anyone but Zellweger.

BEST DIRECTOR

Peter Jackson - The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

BEST SCREENPLAY - ADAPTED

Mystic River

BEST SCREENPLAY - ORIGINAL

Lost in Translation

And finally...

BEST PICTURE

The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

Enjoy the festivities, but you know, don't take it too seriously. I mean, really, it's still about losing yourself to another world in a darkened theater to get some distance from reality and gain some perspective on the human condition.

Ciao.