RECESS-ION

I’m feeling locked up. Paralyzed once again by financial woe. I am currently in my eighth straight month of unemployment and there is no end in sight. This is the first time during this stretch that I’ve actually spread the word that I’m looking for a job, but things are bleak. There just don’t seem to be any jobs out there. I know tons of people who are unemployed or freelancing right now. Most of the people I know who are employed don’t like their jobs. And nobody seems to know of any jobs opening up.

So I've decided to take matters into my own hands. None of this relying on friends and acquaintences and former co-workers for inside information. I'm going to read want ads and scour job listings and pound the pavement. My search began in earnest today. I started with the LA Times Classifieds. That proved to be rather frustrating and ultimately fruitless. As a matter of fact, the only job I wound up applying for all day I found at the LAUSD site. The position is called an Area Playground Supervisor. I stumbled onto that golden opportunity while researching how I would go about trying to become a teacher. After running into roadblock after stop sign after crosswalk in my attempts to re-enter the entertainment industry workforce, I've now broadened my job search to include just about anything that sounds like it wouldn't royally suck. So, in that spirit, this Area Playground Supervisor position didn't sound half bad.

An Area Playground Supervisor's duties include:
* supervising and assisting in coordinating recreation activities on school playgrounds
* evaluating the effectiveness of recreation programs and personnel
* scheduling and supervising games, tournaments, meets and other recreation activities
* interpreting policies and procedures
* assisting in planning and conducting in-service training and in the selection of playground personnel
* assisting in the procurement and distribution of supplies and equipment
* keeping records and making reports and recommendations regarding recreation programs

Sure, it sounds like the job entails a fair amount of paperwork and responsibility, but nothing I can't handle, right? I'm now intrigued, so I read on.

You must meet the following requirements by September 30, 2002:
Experience: Nine months of experience in conducting playground programs, including three months of supervisory experience over playground workers

Okay, nothing on my resume would suggest that I have any related experience, but I'm a fun guy who loves sports. Fine, I have no related experience. I don't have one single day of experience conducting playground programs or supervising playground workers. I've never even been a playground worker! So I try to come to terms with my not being qualified to be an Area Playground Supervisor. I gather I might be qualified to be an Area Playground Worker, but I don't find that as one of the available jobs listed. To add insult to injury, I read furthur to find a section entitled Special Requirements:

A valid Red Cross First-Aid Certificate must be obtained within 90 days after employment begins.
A valid California Driver License and the use of an automobile will be required at the time of appointment. Business mileage will be reimbursed.

I suppose I can get the certificate all right, but right now, I don't have a car! Discouraged and depressed, I decide to apply for the APS position anyway. Maybe, just maybe, someone will take a look at my resume and contact me, if for no other reason than to ask how the hell I managed to work on one crappy sitcom after another without ever landing on a hit show.