DOCTOR PIKER, I PRESUME

I was counting my loose change one night, trying to determine if I had enough to do a much-needed food shopping and it occurred to me... I'm a piker. Now, I know with a little bit of what I like to call effort, you too can be a piker. But you gotta want it. I'm a piker. He's a piker. She's a piker. Wouldn't you like to be a piker too?