HOT AS HELL
As predicted on this site several days ago, reality TV bottomed out with the debut of "Are You Hot?: The Search For America's Sexiest People." Frankly, I felt a little sick to my stomach after watching the show, like I had done something bad. And I didn't even get to see "Countdown to Hotness," the one hour lead-in to the premiere, which chronicled the audition process. For a well-articulated, professionally-restrained review of this brutally awful show, step lively into the Salon. When they ask you if you want to read the rest of the article, click the Free Day Pass access link, if you're not already a subscribing member.
It's nice to know that America still has its priorities straight, as "Survivor: Amazon" clobbered "Are You Hot?" in the Nielson ratings. The premiere numbers for the latest installment of the fading franchise seemed to indicate that the granddaddy of the current reality TV craze is not dead yet. Personally, I don't have much interest in watching the show anymore. In fact, after suffering through "Are You Hot?" I don't have much interest in watching any reality TV anymore. But, I do have to tune in for the finales of "Joe Millionaire" and "The Bachelorette" this week, if for nothing else than a sense of completion. And, My Girl did just get TiVo...
Saturday, February 15, 2003
Friday, February 14, 2003
A TASTY GROOVE: COMING TO A THEATER NEAR YOU
Tenacious D is selling out. In the best way, of course. New Line Cinema has struck a deal with The D to make a feature film and I have a feeling my friend and former housemate Richard Brener had something to do with it. As a matter of fact, when we lived together with three other friends in a giant gaudy house in the Fairfax District, I used to walk down to Largo's on Monday nights for Alternative Comedy night. Frequently, JB and KG would close out the night with one of their hilarious sets. Some nights, I was one of five or six people left in the bar to see it. It's one of the few things I can say I was in on before it blew up. Jack Black is one of the funniest guys working in Hollywood these days and we are in desperate need of some funny film comedies. I'm hoping this one will deliver.
I've also gotten my hopes up that Old School will force me to bust a gut. 'Cause, lord knows, my gut needs a bustin'.
Tenacious D is selling out. In the best way, of course. New Line Cinema has struck a deal with The D to make a feature film and I have a feeling my friend and former housemate Richard Brener had something to do with it. As a matter of fact, when we lived together with three other friends in a giant gaudy house in the Fairfax District, I used to walk down to Largo's on Monday nights for Alternative Comedy night. Frequently, JB and KG would close out the night with one of their hilarious sets. Some nights, I was one of five or six people left in the bar to see it. It's one of the few things I can say I was in on before it blew up. Jack Black is one of the funniest guys working in Hollywood these days and we are in desperate need of some funny film comedies. I'm hoping this one will deliver.
I've also gotten my hopes up that Old School will force me to bust a gut. 'Cause, lord knows, my gut needs a bustin'.
Wednesday, February 12, 2003
HI, MY NAME IS PIKER, AND I AM AN ADDICT
My addiction to reality television has reached its peak. On Monday, I watched "Joe Millionaire", despite my constant complaints to anyone who will listen that the show is truly awful in every way. I tuned in because I thought the damn thing was going to come to a climax and we, the audience, would find out which lame girl the lame dude would choose. I also suspected that there would be a twist on a twist, whereby something else would be revealed to top the disclosure that Joe Millionaire is really Joe Liar, a lowly construction worker (moonlighting as an underwear model). Would Evan select Sarah the former fetish film actress? Or would he pick the neurotic, self-conscious Zora, who seems to have psychically known all along that he was keeping a secret? Well, as it turned out, all that was revealed was just how bad television could be, as the entire hour was devoted to a crappy recap of the previous episodes and a cliffhanger ending. After it was over, I wanted to hang myself over a cliff. I was so upset that I watched it. It ruined my night. Yet, I will still watch it next week for the same reasons that I wanted to watch it this week. But I don't know why. I don't like it. I don't get any pleasure out of it. I hate everyone on the show except the butler. It must be the addiction.
I vowed not to watch "American Idol" beyond the first few audition episodes. I loved laughing at the bad singers and didn't really want to jump on the train when it got rolling toward the top ten. But, I got hooked. It became apparent that this time around would be different, featuring a bunch of people who don't look like the American Idol but can sure sing. So I watched it last night and was proven right. The two best performances were turned in by Ruben, an offensive lineman-sized black man with a sweet voice and a gentle spirit, and Kimberly, an overweight black girl with tons of talent. The rest of the show sucked. The good-looking people couldn't sing, couldn't move, and failed to infuse their performances with the slightest bit of soul. One other such contestant who fit the mold, Frenchie, who was set to appear in one of the next two episodes, will not get her chance to strut her stuff. American Idol kicked Frenchie off the show today. Apparently, she posed nude for a Internet porn site a few years back in order to get the money to pay her tuition at Howard University. Frenchie is an amazing singer and word has it that Simon's production company is going to help her career along. But with all of these skeletons in the closet keeping the folks at The Smoking Gun busy, one has to ask, is anyone at these reality shows doing background checks? The very real possibility exists that they are doing the checks and choosing to use the controversy to boost ratings.
I expect the cultural nadir to be reached tomorrow night with the premiere of "Are You Hot?: The Search For America's Sexiest People".
Thank the TV lord for 24.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen.
My addiction to reality television has reached its peak. On Monday, I watched "Joe Millionaire", despite my constant complaints to anyone who will listen that the show is truly awful in every way. I tuned in because I thought the damn thing was going to come to a climax and we, the audience, would find out which lame girl the lame dude would choose. I also suspected that there would be a twist on a twist, whereby something else would be revealed to top the disclosure that Joe Millionaire is really Joe Liar, a lowly construction worker (moonlighting as an underwear model). Would Evan select Sarah the former fetish film actress? Or would he pick the neurotic, self-conscious Zora, who seems to have psychically known all along that he was keeping a secret? Well, as it turned out, all that was revealed was just how bad television could be, as the entire hour was devoted to a crappy recap of the previous episodes and a cliffhanger ending. After it was over, I wanted to hang myself over a cliff. I was so upset that I watched it. It ruined my night. Yet, I will still watch it next week for the same reasons that I wanted to watch it this week. But I don't know why. I don't like it. I don't get any pleasure out of it. I hate everyone on the show except the butler. It must be the addiction.
I vowed not to watch "American Idol" beyond the first few audition episodes. I loved laughing at the bad singers and didn't really want to jump on the train when it got rolling toward the top ten. But, I got hooked. It became apparent that this time around would be different, featuring a bunch of people who don't look like the American Idol but can sure sing. So I watched it last night and was proven right. The two best performances were turned in by Ruben, an offensive lineman-sized black man with a sweet voice and a gentle spirit, and Kimberly, an overweight black girl with tons of talent. The rest of the show sucked. The good-looking people couldn't sing, couldn't move, and failed to infuse their performances with the slightest bit of soul. One other such contestant who fit the mold, Frenchie, who was set to appear in one of the next two episodes, will not get her chance to strut her stuff. American Idol kicked Frenchie off the show today. Apparently, she posed nude for a Internet porn site a few years back in order to get the money to pay her tuition at Howard University. Frenchie is an amazing singer and word has it that Simon's production company is going to help her career along. But with all of these skeletons in the closet keeping the folks at The Smoking Gun busy, one has to ask, is anyone at these reality shows doing background checks? The very real possibility exists that they are doing the checks and choosing to use the controversy to boost ratings.
I expect the cultural nadir to be reached tomorrow night with the premiere of "Are You Hot?: The Search For America's Sexiest People".
Thank the TV lord for 24.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen.
Tuesday, February 11, 2003
OSCAR ODDS
My secret underworld connection just emailed me the early odds for the Oscar races. I cannot divulge my source or my connection's source, but for the sake of pure fun, let's assume both are credible. Please be advised: This site will not be accepting wagers on the event. These odds are for entertainment purposes only.
BEST PICTURE
Chicago............................................................ -250
The Hours......................................................... +250
Gangs of New York......................................... +450
LOTR: The Two Towers.................................. +800
The Pianist........................................................+1400
BEST DIRECTOR
Martin Scorsese.............................................. -143
Rob Marshall.................................................... +200
Stephen Daldry................................................ +350
Roman Polanski.............................................. +600
Pedro Almodóvar............................................ +1000
BEST ACTOR
Daniel Day-Lewis............................................ -143
Jack Nicholson................................................ +110
Adrien Brody................................................... +500
Nicolas Cage.................................................. +1000
Michael Caine................................................ +1400
BEST ACTRESS
Nicole Kidman................................................ +100
Julianne Moore............................................... +130
Renée Zellweger............................................ +400
Diane Lane..................................................... +550
Salma Hayek.................................................. +1300
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Chris Cooper.................................................. -200
Ed Harris........................................................ +350
Paul Newman................................................ +400
Christopher Walken...................................... +600
John C. Reilly................................................. +1000
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Meryl Streep.................................................. -125
Catherine Zeta-Jones.................................. +110
Julianne Moore............................................. +500
Kathy Bates.................................................. +700
Queen Latifah............................................... +1600
My secret underworld connection just emailed me the early odds for the Oscar races. I cannot divulge my source or my connection's source, but for the sake of pure fun, let's assume both are credible. Please be advised: This site will not be accepting wagers on the event. These odds are for entertainment purposes only.
BEST PICTURE
Chicago............................................................ -250
The Hours......................................................... +250
Gangs of New York......................................... +450
LOTR: The Two Towers.................................. +800
The Pianist........................................................+1400
BEST DIRECTOR
Martin Scorsese.............................................. -143
Rob Marshall.................................................... +200
Stephen Daldry................................................ +350
Roman Polanski.............................................. +600
Pedro Almodóvar............................................ +1000
BEST ACTOR
Daniel Day-Lewis............................................ -143
Jack Nicholson................................................ +110
Adrien Brody................................................... +500
Nicolas Cage.................................................. +1000
Michael Caine................................................ +1400
BEST ACTRESS
Nicole Kidman................................................ +100
Julianne Moore............................................... +130
Renée Zellweger............................................ +400
Diane Lane..................................................... +550
Salma Hayek.................................................. +1300
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Chris Cooper.................................................. -200
Ed Harris........................................................ +350
Paul Newman................................................ +400
Christopher Walken...................................... +600
John C. Reilly................................................. +1000
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Meryl Streep.................................................. -125
Catherine Zeta-Jones.................................. +110
Julianne Moore............................................. +500
Kathy Bates.................................................. +700
Queen Latifah............................................... +1600
DON'T THANK THE ACADEMY QUITE YET
The Academy Award nominations are out and my predictions weren't too far off. It seemed like I went four out of five in most categories, but no worse than three out of five. "Gangs of New York" bumped out both "About Schmidt" and "Adaptation", both of which are superior movies. Peter Jackson not being nominated for directing "The Two Towers" is wrong. I didn't see "Talk To Her", but I can't help but feel that the slot belonged to Jackson. A trio of acting nominations for "Adaptation", but, as I predicted, no love for director Spike Jonze. Apparently, the Academy loved everything about "Chicago"... except Richard Gere. Happy to see Nic Cage get the nod. Very surprised that Meryl Streep didn't get in for "The Hours". She was fantastic in the film, as she is in everything. I didn't see Frida, so I can't really comment on Salma taking her spot. But Streep did earn a nomination in the supporting category for "Adaptation" and that gave her a record 13 nominations, pushing her past Katherine Hepburn's 12 noms. Even though I put him in with my heart, I knew in my head that Ray Liotta wouldn't make it, but it stings a bit that John C. Reilly took the spot for "Chicago". Nothing against John C., who's a terrific actor, but I was not a big fan of the "Chicago" and did not think his performance merited a place in the top five. Liotta was robbed. Best Supporting Actress was the one category that I nailed, but it's somewhat tainted by the fact that "Chicago" placed two actresses in the category. The movie is simply overrated. "About Schmidt" and "The Two Towers" both should have been nominated for adapted screenplay. "About a Boy" was a pretty entertaining movie, but doesn't deserve to be honored over "Schmidt" or "Towers". And finally, poor Antwone Fisher, both the man and the movie. No screenplay nom, no nominations at all for the film. But, I loved "Y Tu Mama Tambien" and was pleasantly surprised to see it recognized for Best Original Screenplay.
Apparently, Harvey Weinstein has his name on four of the five Best Picture nominees. David Poland's a little peeved that Harvey held so much sway over the Academy.
No one nomination surprised me all that much. Besides the over-nominated, over-hyped "Chicago" and some sentimental noms for "Gangs of New York", it's a pretty deserving list that's representative of an excellent year in cinema.
The Academy Award nominations are out and my predictions weren't too far off. It seemed like I went four out of five in most categories, but no worse than three out of five. "Gangs of New York" bumped out both "About Schmidt" and "Adaptation", both of which are superior movies. Peter Jackson not being nominated for directing "The Two Towers" is wrong. I didn't see "Talk To Her", but I can't help but feel that the slot belonged to Jackson. A trio of acting nominations for "Adaptation", but, as I predicted, no love for director Spike Jonze. Apparently, the Academy loved everything about "Chicago"... except Richard Gere. Happy to see Nic Cage get the nod. Very surprised that Meryl Streep didn't get in for "The Hours". She was fantastic in the film, as she is in everything. I didn't see Frida, so I can't really comment on Salma taking her spot. But Streep did earn a nomination in the supporting category for "Adaptation" and that gave her a record 13 nominations, pushing her past Katherine Hepburn's 12 noms. Even though I put him in with my heart, I knew in my head that Ray Liotta wouldn't make it, but it stings a bit that John C. Reilly took the spot for "Chicago". Nothing against John C., who's a terrific actor, but I was not a big fan of the "Chicago" and did not think his performance merited a place in the top five. Liotta was robbed. Best Supporting Actress was the one category that I nailed, but it's somewhat tainted by the fact that "Chicago" placed two actresses in the category. The movie is simply overrated. "About Schmidt" and "The Two Towers" both should have been nominated for adapted screenplay. "About a Boy" was a pretty entertaining movie, but doesn't deserve to be honored over "Schmidt" or "Towers". And finally, poor Antwone Fisher, both the man and the movie. No screenplay nom, no nominations at all for the film. But, I loved "Y Tu Mama Tambien" and was pleasantly surprised to see it recognized for Best Original Screenplay.
Apparently, Harvey Weinstein has his name on four of the five Best Picture nominees. David Poland's a little peeved that Harvey held so much sway over the Academy.
No one nomination surprised me all that much. Besides the over-nominated, over-hyped "Chicago" and some sentimental noms for "Gangs of New York", it's a pretty deserving list that's representative of an excellent year in cinema.
Monday, February 10, 2003
OSCAR THE GROUCH
Oscar nominations will be announced tomorrow in the wee hours of the morning for us West Coasters. As big a geek as I am about this stuff, I will not be waking up to hear them read live. I will try to get my eight hours in and then check them when I awake. As is tradition, this being the eve of the Academy Award announcements and all, the nominations for The Golden Rasberry Awards were announced today. There was a lot of crap to choose from, and I don't necessarily agree with some of this year's worst picture selections (I really liked Sweatpants Britney and the action scenes from Episode II), but here are the 2003 Razzies:
WORST PICTURE
The Adventures of Pluto Nash
Crossroads
Pinocchio
Star Wars: Episode II: Attack of the Clones
Swept Away
=================================
On to the good stuff. Prediction time.
BEST PICTURE
The Hours
Chicago
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
The Pianist
About Schmidt
The Victim: Adaptation
BEST DIRECTOR
Martin Scorsese (Gangs of New York)
Stephen Daldry (The Hours)
Roman Polanski (The Pianist)
Peter Jackson (Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers)
Rob Marshall (Chicago)
The Victim: Spike Jonze (Adaptation)
BEST ACTOR
Jack Nicholson (About Schmidt)
Daniel Day-Lewis (Gangs of New York)
Michael Caine (The Quiet American)
Adrien Brody (The Pianist)
Richard Gere (Chicago)
The Victim: Nicolas Cage (Adaptation)
THE BEST ACTRESS
Nicole Kidman (The Hours)
Julianne Moore (Far From Heaven)
Meryl Streep (The Hours)
Renee Zellweger (Chicago)
Diane Lane (Unfaithful)
The Victim: Salma Hayek (Frida)
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Chris Cooper (Adaptation)
Ed Harris (The Hours)
Paul Newman (Road to Perdition)
Christopher Walken (Catch Me If You Can)
Ray Liotta (Narc)
The Victims: Alfred Molina (Frida), Dennis Quaid (Far From Heaven)
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Kathy Bates (About Schmidt)
Meryl Streep (Adaptation)
Julianne Moore (The Hours)
Catherine Zeta-Jones (Chicago)
Queen Latifah (Chicago)
The Victim: None
BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
Adaptation (Charlie and the fictional Donald Kaufman)
The Hours (David Hare)
Chicago (Bill Condon)
About Schmidt (Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor)
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (4 writers)
The Victim: The Pianist (Ronald Harwood)
BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Far From Heaven (Todd Haynes)
Gangs of New York (Jay Cocks, Kenneth Lonergan, and Steven Zallian)
Antwone Fisher (Antwone Fisher)
Talk To Her (Pedro Almodovar)
My Big Fat Greek Wedding (Nia Vardalos)
The Victim: Y Tu Mama Tambien (Alfonso Cuaron and Carlos Cuaron)
Oscar nominations will be announced tomorrow in the wee hours of the morning for us West Coasters. As big a geek as I am about this stuff, I will not be waking up to hear them read live. I will try to get my eight hours in and then check them when I awake. As is tradition, this being the eve of the Academy Award announcements and all, the nominations for The Golden Rasberry Awards were announced today. There was a lot of crap to choose from, and I don't necessarily agree with some of this year's worst picture selections (I really liked Sweatpants Britney and the action scenes from Episode II), but here are the 2003 Razzies:
WORST PICTURE
The Adventures of Pluto Nash
Crossroads
Pinocchio
Star Wars: Episode II: Attack of the Clones
Swept Away
=================================
On to the good stuff. Prediction time.
BEST PICTURE
The Hours
Chicago
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
The Pianist
About Schmidt
The Victim: Adaptation
BEST DIRECTOR
Martin Scorsese (Gangs of New York)
Stephen Daldry (The Hours)
Roman Polanski (The Pianist)
Peter Jackson (Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers)
Rob Marshall (Chicago)
The Victim: Spike Jonze (Adaptation)
BEST ACTOR
Jack Nicholson (About Schmidt)
Daniel Day-Lewis (Gangs of New York)
Michael Caine (The Quiet American)
Adrien Brody (The Pianist)
Richard Gere (Chicago)
The Victim: Nicolas Cage (Adaptation)
THE BEST ACTRESS
Nicole Kidman (The Hours)
Julianne Moore (Far From Heaven)
Meryl Streep (The Hours)
Renee Zellweger (Chicago)
Diane Lane (Unfaithful)
The Victim: Salma Hayek (Frida)
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Chris Cooper (Adaptation)
Ed Harris (The Hours)
Paul Newman (Road to Perdition)
Christopher Walken (Catch Me If You Can)
Ray Liotta (Narc)
The Victims: Alfred Molina (Frida), Dennis Quaid (Far From Heaven)
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Kathy Bates (About Schmidt)
Meryl Streep (Adaptation)
Julianne Moore (The Hours)
Catherine Zeta-Jones (Chicago)
Queen Latifah (Chicago)
The Victim: None
BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
Adaptation (Charlie and the fictional Donald Kaufman)
The Hours (David Hare)
Chicago (Bill Condon)
About Schmidt (Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor)
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (4 writers)
The Victim: The Pianist (Ronald Harwood)
BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Far From Heaven (Todd Haynes)
Gangs of New York (Jay Cocks, Kenneth Lonergan, and Steven Zallian)
Antwone Fisher (Antwone Fisher)
Talk To Her (Pedro Almodovar)
My Big Fat Greek Wedding (Nia Vardalos)
The Victim: Y Tu Mama Tambien (Alfonso Cuaron and Carlos Cuaron)
Friday, February 07, 2003
WORKING FOR FOOD
Just downed three free slices of Mulberry Street pizza. I forgot how great it is to have all of your meals provided for you. Of course, the downside is, you have to work for it. But, so far, so good. I've been on set all week and I will freely admit that it's actually kind of stimulating to be working in production again. I've basically been working the 12 noon to 12 midnight shift this week, as we shot exteriors on Main Street in Culver City Wednesday night and have been blocking and shooting since. Tonight, we film in front of a studio audience. But enough about work.
Just downed three free slices of Mulberry Street pizza. I forgot how great it is to have all of your meals provided for you. Of course, the downside is, you have to work for it. But, so far, so good. I've been on set all week and I will freely admit that it's actually kind of stimulating to be working in production again. I've basically been working the 12 noon to 12 midnight shift this week, as we shot exteriors on Main Street in Culver City Wednesday night and have been blocking and shooting since. Tonight, we film in front of a studio audience. But enough about work.
Monday, February 03, 2003
A DAY OF MILESTONES
I knew today was going to be out of the ordinary because it started out with some really great news. For the first time in school history my alma mater, the Florida Gators are #1 in the country! They are currently on the longest winning streak in school history as well, at 14 games. Last week, every team in the top five got upset except for them and it was enough to propel them from 4th to 1st in the latest ESPN/USA and AP polls. If you love charts and graphs and brackets and the NCAA tournament as much as I do, you must check out Bracketology. Now, this might be a prime example of ESPN going overboard, but they really love their college basketball. And so do I.
More charts, different event. This year more than in previous years, handicapping for the Oscars has gotten serious. David Poland, who writes an outstanding column on everything cinema called The Hot Button, also contributes to an excellent site called Movie City News. There you will find a page of extremely well-researched and well-educated Top Ten Rankings for who and what will receive Oscar nominations when they are announced a week from tomorrow. Take special note of the tight races for the fifth spot in Best Picture and Best Supporting Actor. Looking over the list of movies and performances and scripts, I'm reminded of just how good a year it was for movies. But, yet again, it was a dreadful year for straight-up comedies. "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" was such a bloated hit precisely because there was a big fat comedy void in the marketplace. "Austin Powers in Goldmember" was a pretty funny movies and a box-office smash, but beyond those two, there is a stack of duds, like "Undercover Brother" which I watched this weekend, now available on DVD. I'm man enough to admit that the movie that made me laugh the most this year, by far, was "Jackass: The Movie." What more do you need to illustrate the current state of big screen comedy? No need to fear, though. I'm doing something about it. I am working on some things that will have all of you howling and hysterical in the coming years... hopefully.
Today marks the one year anniversary of My Girl and I hanging out.
It's also been one full year since I last worked full-time.
But... I landed a gig today. I'm back in the land of sitcom TV. Truthfully, it was a pretty easy call to make:
A) They needed someone with my specific set of skills and experience.
B) It's only a six week committment.
C) It's a five-minute commute to the studio.
D) They pay me money.
Hooray!
I knew today was going to be out of the ordinary because it started out with some really great news. For the first time in school history my alma mater, the Florida Gators are #1 in the country! They are currently on the longest winning streak in school history as well, at 14 games. Last week, every team in the top five got upset except for them and it was enough to propel them from 4th to 1st in the latest ESPN/USA and AP polls. If you love charts and graphs and brackets and the NCAA tournament as much as I do, you must check out Bracketology. Now, this might be a prime example of ESPN going overboard, but they really love their college basketball. And so do I.
More charts, different event. This year more than in previous years, handicapping for the Oscars has gotten serious. David Poland, who writes an outstanding column on everything cinema called The Hot Button, also contributes to an excellent site called Movie City News. There you will find a page of extremely well-researched and well-educated Top Ten Rankings for who and what will receive Oscar nominations when they are announced a week from tomorrow. Take special note of the tight races for the fifth spot in Best Picture and Best Supporting Actor. Looking over the list of movies and performances and scripts, I'm reminded of just how good a year it was for movies. But, yet again, it was a dreadful year for straight-up comedies. "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" was such a bloated hit precisely because there was a big fat comedy void in the marketplace. "Austin Powers in Goldmember" was a pretty funny movies and a box-office smash, but beyond those two, there is a stack of duds, like "Undercover Brother" which I watched this weekend, now available on DVD. I'm man enough to admit that the movie that made me laugh the most this year, by far, was "Jackass: The Movie." What more do you need to illustrate the current state of big screen comedy? No need to fear, though. I'm doing something about it. I am working on some things that will have all of you howling and hysterical in the coming years... hopefully.
Today marks the one year anniversary of My Girl and I hanging out.
It's also been one full year since I last worked full-time.
But... I landed a gig today. I'm back in the land of sitcom TV. Truthfully, it was a pretty easy call to make:
A) They needed someone with my specific set of skills and experience.
B) It's only a six week committment.
C) It's a five-minute commute to the studio.
D) They pay me money.
Hooray!
Tuesday, January 28, 2003
THE NEW SALON -- TIME-SHARE SEMINAR STYLE
Hey, how are you today? Would you like to read some hip and edgy online journalism? Great... Please follow me into the Salon where we have a brief presentation on the new Mercedes E-Class. "The 2003 E-Class is a thrilling combination of the familiar and the unexpected, classic details and new attitude. With more standard features and options than ever before, the 2003 E-Class combines everything you love about Mercedes-Benz with the latest innovations in automotive engineering." We're so sure you're going to love the new 2003 E-Class that we're willing to give you a free day's worth of unlimited access to that hip and edgy journalism you expressed interest in earlier. All you have to do is interact with our multi-window presentation and click through to the end and all those free words can be yours. Of course, we used to offer these same words for free, but we're so excited about the new 2003 E-Class that we're thinking of the opportunity to experience it online as an upgrade to the Salon experience. So, step lively. Right this way. There you go. Have a seat, make yourself comfortable, help yourself to some of the free water we're providing, and enjoy your time with the new 2003 E-Class. When the presentation concludes, just click on Go To Salon Premium and there you'll savor such things as an excerpt from Carina Chocano's brand new book "Do You Love Me Or Am I Just Paranoid?" You'll also find an interview of Ms. Chocano by none other than frequent Salon contributor Heather Havrilesky. And you must read Ms. Havrilesky's latest scathing take on pop culture entitled "New Jack City." Of course, there's so much more in the wonderful world of Salon. As a gift from the fine folks at Mercedes, feel free to read as much as you possibly can in 17 hours. After all, it's free.
Hey, how are you today? Would you like to read some hip and edgy online journalism? Great... Please follow me into the Salon where we have a brief presentation on the new Mercedes E-Class. "The 2003 E-Class is a thrilling combination of the familiar and the unexpected, classic details and new attitude. With more standard features and options than ever before, the 2003 E-Class combines everything you love about Mercedes-Benz with the latest innovations in automotive engineering." We're so sure you're going to love the new 2003 E-Class that we're willing to give you a free day's worth of unlimited access to that hip and edgy journalism you expressed interest in earlier. All you have to do is interact with our multi-window presentation and click through to the end and all those free words can be yours. Of course, we used to offer these same words for free, but we're so excited about the new 2003 E-Class that we're thinking of the opportunity to experience it online as an upgrade to the Salon experience. So, step lively. Right this way. There you go. Have a seat, make yourself comfortable, help yourself to some of the free water we're providing, and enjoy your time with the new 2003 E-Class. When the presentation concludes, just click on Go To Salon Premium and there you'll savor such things as an excerpt from Carina Chocano's brand new book "Do You Love Me Or Am I Just Paranoid?" You'll also find an interview of Ms. Chocano by none other than frequent Salon contributor Heather Havrilesky. And you must read Ms. Havrilesky's latest scathing take on pop culture entitled "New Jack City." Of course, there's so much more in the wonderful world of Salon. As a gift from the fine folks at Mercedes, feel free to read as much as you possibly can in 17 hours. After all, it's free.
Wednesday, January 22, 2003
YOUNG AMERICANS
I know it might seem as though all I ever write about are television, movies, sports, and the occassional book, and that might be because, for the most part, that's all I pay attention to. Call me shallow, but I no matter how hard I try I can't get into politics and business, I can't sink the hook in. So, this electronic chronicle is very much a representation of me and will continue to be. If you like me or my writing, keep coming back. If you come here expecting me to turn political all of a sudden, don't bother.
In that spirit... I watched the season premiere of "American Idol" last night. Apparently, so did a lot of other people. Last night's and tonight's episodes show the process of auditioning new talent for the show in New York, Miami, Austin, Detroit, and Los Angeles. There is almost nothing funnier than who person who can't sing but thinks they have a great voice. There's an incredible amount of self-delusion going on and thankfully the judges, Simon in particular, seem to enjoy shining a light on it. However, I am vowing not to get hooked on this show like I did during the summer. I will gleefully watch these first few to laugh at all the crazy people with no talent who believe they have what it takes to be pop stars, but that is where my involvement will end. That's it. I'm also finished with that stupid "Joe Millionaire." I flipped to it a few times while mainly watching tennis the other night and regretted it. The guy is a dolt, the girls are lame, the setups are stupid, and the host is a complete idiot. The only element that is mildly interesting is the perspective-spouting butler, but he's not funny enough to get me to watch it again. I probably won't watch again until the secret is revealed to whichever gold digger that's unlucky enough to win the construction worker's heart.
The best thing I've seen on television recently was a tennis match replayed on tape delay earlier this afternoon. My buddy on the east coast had already let slip who won and in what fashion by the time I got to see the match, but it didn't matter. Andy Roddick and Younes El-Aynaoui, The Lleyton Hewitt Slayer, played a classic five-set match that will undoubtedly be remembered as the match of this year's Australian Open. In this particular tournament, players do not play a fifth set tiebreaker. Instead, they keep playing until someone wins by two games. Today, Roddick and El-Aynaoui encountered that very situation and battled like gladiators for two and a half hours, in the fifth set alone! Roddick finally prevailed 21-19 in the deciding set after five hours of high-level tennis. The players met at the net and shook hands and then embraced. Roddick seemed to feel bad that El-Aynaoui lost, or that either of them had to lose. Commentator Mary Carillo summed it up by saying that "in the end, it was the entire sport that won." Rarely do you see two likable guys slugging it out like that, leaving it all on the court, and bringing so much sportsmanship to the proceedings. I think that's why the end was so emotional. Roddick was emotional. El-Aynaoui was emotional, but too tired to show it. The announcers clearly felt the emotion. Even I was emotional. My Girl was crying. It was moving. It was a moment. It was one of those heightened sports moments that transcended the game and became about life. That's why I keep watching sports, hoping each time to catch another of those rare moments. Perhaps there may still be one more left in this tournament if Andy Roddick and Andre Agassi end up meeting in the final...
I know it might seem as though all I ever write about are television, movies, sports, and the occassional book, and that might be because, for the most part, that's all I pay attention to. Call me shallow, but I no matter how hard I try I can't get into politics and business, I can't sink the hook in. So, this electronic chronicle is very much a representation of me and will continue to be. If you like me or my writing, keep coming back. If you come here expecting me to turn political all of a sudden, don't bother.
In that spirit... I watched the season premiere of "American Idol" last night. Apparently, so did a lot of other people. Last night's and tonight's episodes show the process of auditioning new talent for the show in New York, Miami, Austin, Detroit, and Los Angeles. There is almost nothing funnier than who person who can't sing but thinks they have a great voice. There's an incredible amount of self-delusion going on and thankfully the judges, Simon in particular, seem to enjoy shining a light on it. However, I am vowing not to get hooked on this show like I did during the summer. I will gleefully watch these first few to laugh at all the crazy people with no talent who believe they have what it takes to be pop stars, but that is where my involvement will end. That's it. I'm also finished with that stupid "Joe Millionaire." I flipped to it a few times while mainly watching tennis the other night and regretted it. The guy is a dolt, the girls are lame, the setups are stupid, and the host is a complete idiot. The only element that is mildly interesting is the perspective-spouting butler, but he's not funny enough to get me to watch it again. I probably won't watch again until the secret is revealed to whichever gold digger that's unlucky enough to win the construction worker's heart.
The best thing I've seen on television recently was a tennis match replayed on tape delay earlier this afternoon. My buddy on the east coast had already let slip who won and in what fashion by the time I got to see the match, but it didn't matter. Andy Roddick and Younes El-Aynaoui, The Lleyton Hewitt Slayer, played a classic five-set match that will undoubtedly be remembered as the match of this year's Australian Open. In this particular tournament, players do not play a fifth set tiebreaker. Instead, they keep playing until someone wins by two games. Today, Roddick and El-Aynaoui encountered that very situation and battled like gladiators for two and a half hours, in the fifth set alone! Roddick finally prevailed 21-19 in the deciding set after five hours of high-level tennis. The players met at the net and shook hands and then embraced. Roddick seemed to feel bad that El-Aynaoui lost, or that either of them had to lose. Commentator Mary Carillo summed it up by saying that "in the end, it was the entire sport that won." Rarely do you see two likable guys slugging it out like that, leaving it all on the court, and bringing so much sportsmanship to the proceedings. I think that's why the end was so emotional. Roddick was emotional. El-Aynaoui was emotional, but too tired to show it. The announcers clearly felt the emotion. Even I was emotional. My Girl was crying. It was moving. It was a moment. It was one of those heightened sports moments that transcended the game and became about life. That's why I keep watching sports, hoping each time to catch another of those rare moments. Perhaps there may still be one more left in this tournament if Andy Roddick and Andre Agassi end up meeting in the final...
Monday, January 20, 2003
TENNIS AYNAOUI?
The Golden Globes caused a major conflict in the nine o'clock hour last night. The WB was showing the third episode of my new favorite reality TV show "High School Reunion" and The Deuce (ESPN 2) was airing live Australian Open tennis. Even with some dextrous remote control work, My Girl and I still missed a good portion of "Reunion" which I hope to catch in its entirety when they re-air it on Thursday night. What we did see was quite entertaining, with our favorite "character" The Nerd boxing The Bully and making time with The Homecoming Queen. I need to see the whole episode before I can give a fair and accurate assessment. Things looked bleak in the first half of the ten o'clock hour. Renee Zellweger won, Richard Gere won, and Andy Roddick lost the first two sets to the 25th seed, 20 year-old Russian Mikhail Youzhny. But the tide turned as the clock approached eleven. "The Hours" won Best Picture and Roddick began to mount a comeback. The Golden Globes surprisingly finished on time and generously left the spotlight to tennis. Roddick came all the way back from two sets to love to pull out an improbable victory and stay alive in the tournament, slated to play Lleyton Hewitt in the quarterfinals. But, 18th seed Younes El-Aynaoui had other plans. He served the match of his life and would not let world #1 Hewitt take control of the match. Hewitt won the first set in a tie-breaker, El-Aynaoui won the next in tie-breakers with neither player surrendering a break of serve. Until the fourth set when Hewitt, the hometown favorite, double-faulted on break point and gave El-Aynaoui a window to win the match. And win he did, serving it out and taking the fourth set 6-4, upsetting the best player in the world and disappointing a nation in the process.
I must take leave of this blog presently to retire to the living room where I will watch Andre Agassi play his quarterfinal match against Sebastian Grosjean, the fast Frenchman whose name periodically gets stuck on a loop in my head. Au revoir, pikers.
The Golden Globes caused a major conflict in the nine o'clock hour last night. The WB was showing the third episode of my new favorite reality TV show "High School Reunion" and The Deuce (ESPN 2) was airing live Australian Open tennis. Even with some dextrous remote control work, My Girl and I still missed a good portion of "Reunion" which I hope to catch in its entirety when they re-air it on Thursday night. What we did see was quite entertaining, with our favorite "character" The Nerd boxing The Bully and making time with The Homecoming Queen. I need to see the whole episode before I can give a fair and accurate assessment. Things looked bleak in the first half of the ten o'clock hour. Renee Zellweger won, Richard Gere won, and Andy Roddick lost the first two sets to the 25th seed, 20 year-old Russian Mikhail Youzhny. But the tide turned as the clock approached eleven. "The Hours" won Best Picture and Roddick began to mount a comeback. The Golden Globes surprisingly finished on time and generously left the spotlight to tennis. Roddick came all the way back from two sets to love to pull out an improbable victory and stay alive in the tournament, slated to play Lleyton Hewitt in the quarterfinals. But, 18th seed Younes El-Aynaoui had other plans. He served the match of his life and would not let world #1 Hewitt take control of the match. Hewitt won the first set in a tie-breaker, El-Aynaoui won the next in tie-breakers with neither player surrendering a break of serve. Until the fourth set when Hewitt, the hometown favorite, double-faulted on break point and gave El-Aynaoui a window to win the match. And win he did, serving it out and taking the fourth set 6-4, upsetting the best player in the world and disappointing a nation in the process.
I must take leave of this blog presently to retire to the living room where I will watch Andre Agassi play his quarterfinal match against Sebastian Grosjean, the fast Frenchman whose name periodically gets stuck on a loop in my head. Au revoir, pikers.
THE GOLDEN DOZEN
Man, it's 6:30 Monday night and I'm still recovering from The Golden Globes last night. What a night. The glitz, the glamour, the limos, the dresses, the jewelry, the parties... Actually, My Girl and I watched it on her couch while eating Fritos and bean dip followed by Tostitos and salsa con queso con extra queso. I'll tell you, if we hadn't gone to see "The Hours" this weekend before the awards, it would have been a real ho-hum affair. Because, despite what your Baby Boomer parents may claim, "Chicago" is not a great movie. In fact, it was a valiant effort to continue the movie musical revival that the spectacular spectacular "Moulin Rouge" set into motion, but it's frankly pretty boring and, at this point, highly overrated. Predictably and disappointingly, "Chicago" beat out "Adaptation" for Best Comedy/Musical. And, while last night's Golden Globes contained a few peak moments, most notably Meryl Streep's acceptance speech in which she once again showed the world what a class act she is, Larry David's acceptance speech in which he publicly hoped that winning the award would guarantee him sex for the night, and Jack Nicholson's acceptance speech in which he admitted to having taken a valium before the ceremony, Renee Zellweger and Richard Gere's wins for Best Actor/Best Actress in a Comedy/Musical and Chicago's triumph for Best Picture in the same category left a real sour taste in our mouths that no amount of cheese dip was going to eliminate. But "The Hours" saved the day by winning Best Picture in the drama category. Judging from the preview and what little I knew about the film, I went in expecting not to like the chick flick. Now I know not to pre-judge a movie on that basis. Everything about this movie is of the highest quality. The writer expertly adapted what must have been a fantastic book into a flawless script and the director brilliantly brought that script to the screen using all of the resources at hand, including the finest ensemble cast of any movie in recent memory and the best score I've heard in a long time. It is with great confidence that I can agree with the Hollywood Foreign Press Association and proclaim my opinion that "The Hours" is the best film of 2002. Thus, I have incorporated it into my new top ten list, which has now been expanded to twelve and will henceforth be known as The Golden Dozen. After sitting with the list for a week, I decided to make a few adjustments which are reflected in the new list.
THE GOLDEN DOZEN
1. The Hours
2. Adaptation
3. The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
4. About Schmidt
5. Y Tu Mama Tambien
6. The Rules of Attraction
7. Catch Me If You Can
8. Far From Heaven
9. The Bourne Identity
10. Narc
11. Igby Goes Down
12. Antwone Fisher
*I have yet to see "Confessions of a Dangerous Mind", "The 25th Hour", and "The Pianist" which could potentially alter the final ranking and order of The Golden Dozen
Man, it's 6:30 Monday night and I'm still recovering from The Golden Globes last night. What a night. The glitz, the glamour, the limos, the dresses, the jewelry, the parties... Actually, My Girl and I watched it on her couch while eating Fritos and bean dip followed by Tostitos and salsa con queso con extra queso. I'll tell you, if we hadn't gone to see "The Hours" this weekend before the awards, it would have been a real ho-hum affair. Because, despite what your Baby Boomer parents may claim, "Chicago" is not a great movie. In fact, it was a valiant effort to continue the movie musical revival that the spectacular spectacular "Moulin Rouge" set into motion, but it's frankly pretty boring and, at this point, highly overrated. Predictably and disappointingly, "Chicago" beat out "Adaptation" for Best Comedy/Musical. And, while last night's Golden Globes contained a few peak moments, most notably Meryl Streep's acceptance speech in which she once again showed the world what a class act she is, Larry David's acceptance speech in which he publicly hoped that winning the award would guarantee him sex for the night, and Jack Nicholson's acceptance speech in which he admitted to having taken a valium before the ceremony, Renee Zellweger and Richard Gere's wins for Best Actor/Best Actress in a Comedy/Musical and Chicago's triumph for Best Picture in the same category left a real sour taste in our mouths that no amount of cheese dip was going to eliminate. But "The Hours" saved the day by winning Best Picture in the drama category. Judging from the preview and what little I knew about the film, I went in expecting not to like the chick flick. Now I know not to pre-judge a movie on that basis. Everything about this movie is of the highest quality. The writer expertly adapted what must have been a fantastic book into a flawless script and the director brilliantly brought that script to the screen using all of the resources at hand, including the finest ensemble cast of any movie in recent memory and the best score I've heard in a long time. It is with great confidence that I can agree with the Hollywood Foreign Press Association and proclaim my opinion that "The Hours" is the best film of 2002. Thus, I have incorporated it into my new top ten list, which has now been expanded to twelve and will henceforth be known as The Golden Dozen. After sitting with the list for a week, I decided to make a few adjustments which are reflected in the new list.
THE GOLDEN DOZEN
1. The Hours
2. Adaptation
3. The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
4. About Schmidt
5. Y Tu Mama Tambien
6. The Rules of Attraction
7. Catch Me If You Can
8. Far From Heaven
9. The Bourne Identity
10. Narc
11. Igby Goes Down
12. Antwone Fisher
*I have yet to see "Confessions of a Dangerous Mind", "The 25th Hour", and "The Pianist" which could potentially alter the final ranking and order of The Golden Dozen
Monday, January 13, 2003
BACK IN INACTION
Back from lunch.
So, today I've learned that this blog flourishes when: a) I'm on the clock. b) I don't have a lot to do. c) I have a computer sitting in front of me. After all, after posting twice in two weeks, this is my second post today!
Since I was last in the Piker flow, I have absorbed seemingly infinite amounts of filmed and televised entertainment. Before I get to the rundown, I must mention that I did manage to read a book over the holidays. A book that was given to me as a gift by a very talented comedy writer back in 1996, my first year working in television. A book that has been recommended to me at least twenty times since and one that I've had in my Must Read stack the entire time -- A Confederacy of Dunces. Thankfully, I was not disappointed. John Kennedy Toole's Pulitzer Prize-winning novel made me laugh out loud many times and a few passages even had me cracking up, which is no small feat from a novel. The literally and figuratively larger-than-life main character of Ignatius J. Reilly is as hilarious as he is ridiculous and serves as the perfect conduit for a truly imaginative and unique voice in literature. A voice that was sadly silenced well before its time.
Now back to the really geeky stuff. High School Reunion continues to entertain me to no end. I can't even pinpoint exactly why I like it so much, I just get this giddy feeling while I'm watching it and I can't wait to see what happens next and who winds up with who. Of course, I'm in this mode of consuming reality television in the massive quantities that the networks are feeding it in. The funniest show on TV right now just might be "The Osbournes." I laugh heartily every single time I watch that show. As far as I can recall, this might be the first time a reality TV show was actually the funniest show on TV. Last week, in addition to "Reunion" I watched "The Bachelorette" and "The Surreal Life", and now I'm hooked on both of them. The only place where I actually drew the line and stopped watching was "Celebrity Mole: Hawaii." That show's just pathetic. If I have to look for a real job, then The Down Syndrome Baldwin should too. I liked the reversal of theme on "The Bachelorette." While the formula of featuring 25 relatively good-looking women is a more obvious ratings gimmick, watching 25 dudes vie for the attention of one hot babe actually makes for better television. I'm anxious to see which of the generic studs survives the next round of cuts. And "The Surreal Life"... I mean, I have no particular insight or enlightening pop culture perspective on this thing that's going to get you to watch it if you're not immediately intrigued by the premise of Emmanuel Lewis, Corey Feldman, Gabrielle Carteris (Andrea from 90210), Vince Neil, Jeri from Survivor, Brande Roderick (playmate), and MC Hammer sharing a house in the Hills for ten days. You just have to watch it. Tonight, "Joe Millionaire". Fox's tricked-ya spin on "The Bachelor" topped all of them in the ratings when it premiered last week. I'm planning on checking it out once and not watching it after that. At least that's the plan. Of course, I'm easily susceptible to getting hooked on the stuff. My TV drug of choice these days remains 24. In the absence of "Six Feet Under" and "The Sopranos", it has climbed to the top rung of the TV quality ladder. I know, I know. I should be getting paid to watch all of this TV. Maybe I'll put up a Pay Pal donation link on this site so you guys can pay me to watch TV so you don't have to. At the very least I should get a free TiVo.
On to the movies. Last week I went to an advance screening of "Narc" and did not expect to like it nearly as much as I did. Extremely well-made movie with some stellar performances by Ray Liotta and Jason Patric. Individually, those two haven't been this good in a long time. And they've never been as good together! I liked it so much that I went home and made an adjustment to my geekier-than-thou 2002 Top Ten List in progress. I'll post what I have here, but there's an accompanying list of movies that I missed that could potentially upset the balance. Maybe I like movies more than the average Joe Millionaire, but I find it hard to confine my list to ten films. Note: I had to make an additional documentary list because I saw so many that I liked last year.
THE TOP TEN
1. Adaptation
2. The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
3. The Rules of Attraction
4. Y Tu Mama Tambien
5. Catch Me If You Can
6. About Schmidt
7. Far From Heaven
8. The Bourne Identity
9. Igby Goes Down
10. Narc
*Narc bumped "Gangs of New York" out of the Top Ten. I watched "Antwone Fisher" last night on tape and must confess to shedding a tear, so that film should be placed on the honorable mention edge of The Top Ten as well.
POTENTIAL TOP TEN SPOILERS
Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
Secretary
The Pianist
The 25th Hour
The Hours
Roger Dodger
Spirited Away
BEST DOCUMENTARIES
(in no particular order)
Bowling For Columbine
Dogtown and Z-Boys
Comedian
The Kid Stays in the Picture
Space Station (IMAX)
Scratch
Jackass: The Movie
MOVIES I LIKED THAT DIDN'T CRACK THE TOP TEN
24 Party People
About A Boy
Road To Perdition
Punch-Drunk Love
Spiderman
Minority Report
Moonlight Mile
My Big Fat Greek Wedding
Austin Powers III
Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones (the action scenes)
Back from lunch.
So, today I've learned that this blog flourishes when: a) I'm on the clock. b) I don't have a lot to do. c) I have a computer sitting in front of me. After all, after posting twice in two weeks, this is my second post today!
Since I was last in the Piker flow, I have absorbed seemingly infinite amounts of filmed and televised entertainment. Before I get to the rundown, I must mention that I did manage to read a book over the holidays. A book that was given to me as a gift by a very talented comedy writer back in 1996, my first year working in television. A book that has been recommended to me at least twenty times since and one that I've had in my Must Read stack the entire time -- A Confederacy of Dunces. Thankfully, I was not disappointed. John Kennedy Toole's Pulitzer Prize-winning novel made me laugh out loud many times and a few passages even had me cracking up, which is no small feat from a novel. The literally and figuratively larger-than-life main character of Ignatius J. Reilly is as hilarious as he is ridiculous and serves as the perfect conduit for a truly imaginative and unique voice in literature. A voice that was sadly silenced well before its time.
Now back to the really geeky stuff. High School Reunion continues to entertain me to no end. I can't even pinpoint exactly why I like it so much, I just get this giddy feeling while I'm watching it and I can't wait to see what happens next and who winds up with who. Of course, I'm in this mode of consuming reality television in the massive quantities that the networks are feeding it in. The funniest show on TV right now just might be "The Osbournes." I laugh heartily every single time I watch that show. As far as I can recall, this might be the first time a reality TV show was actually the funniest show on TV. Last week, in addition to "Reunion" I watched "The Bachelorette" and "The Surreal Life", and now I'm hooked on both of them. The only place where I actually drew the line and stopped watching was "Celebrity Mole: Hawaii." That show's just pathetic. If I have to look for a real job, then The Down Syndrome Baldwin should too. I liked the reversal of theme on "The Bachelorette." While the formula of featuring 25 relatively good-looking women is a more obvious ratings gimmick, watching 25 dudes vie for the attention of one hot babe actually makes for better television. I'm anxious to see which of the generic studs survives the next round of cuts. And "The Surreal Life"... I mean, I have no particular insight or enlightening pop culture perspective on this thing that's going to get you to watch it if you're not immediately intrigued by the premise of Emmanuel Lewis, Corey Feldman, Gabrielle Carteris (Andrea from 90210), Vince Neil, Jeri from Survivor, Brande Roderick (playmate), and MC Hammer sharing a house in the Hills for ten days. You just have to watch it. Tonight, "Joe Millionaire". Fox's tricked-ya spin on "The Bachelor" topped all of them in the ratings when it premiered last week. I'm planning on checking it out once and not watching it after that. At least that's the plan. Of course, I'm easily susceptible to getting hooked on the stuff. My TV drug of choice these days remains 24. In the absence of "Six Feet Under" and "The Sopranos", it has climbed to the top rung of the TV quality ladder. I know, I know. I should be getting paid to watch all of this TV. Maybe I'll put up a Pay Pal donation link on this site so you guys can pay me to watch TV so you don't have to. At the very least I should get a free TiVo.
On to the movies. Last week I went to an advance screening of "Narc" and did not expect to like it nearly as much as I did. Extremely well-made movie with some stellar performances by Ray Liotta and Jason Patric. Individually, those two haven't been this good in a long time. And they've never been as good together! I liked it so much that I went home and made an adjustment to my geekier-than-thou 2002 Top Ten List in progress. I'll post what I have here, but there's an accompanying list of movies that I missed that could potentially upset the balance. Maybe I like movies more than the average Joe Millionaire, but I find it hard to confine my list to ten films. Note: I had to make an additional documentary list because I saw so many that I liked last year.
THE TOP TEN
1. Adaptation
2. The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
3. The Rules of Attraction
4. Y Tu Mama Tambien
5. Catch Me If You Can
6. About Schmidt
7. Far From Heaven
8. The Bourne Identity
9. Igby Goes Down
10. Narc
*Narc bumped "Gangs of New York" out of the Top Ten. I watched "Antwone Fisher" last night on tape and must confess to shedding a tear, so that film should be placed on the honorable mention edge of The Top Ten as well.
POTENTIAL TOP TEN SPOILERS
Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
Secretary
The Pianist
The 25th Hour
The Hours
Roger Dodger
Spirited Away
BEST DOCUMENTARIES
(in no particular order)
Bowling For Columbine
Dogtown and Z-Boys
Comedian
The Kid Stays in the Picture
Space Station (IMAX)
Scratch
Jackass: The Movie
MOVIES I LIKED THAT DIDN'T CRACK THE TOP TEN
24 Party People
About A Boy
Road To Perdition
Punch-Drunk Love
Spiderman
Minority Report
Moonlight Mile
My Big Fat Greek Wedding
Austin Powers III
Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones (the action scenes)
BACK IN THE PRATTLE AGAIN
I'm back. Back in L.A. Even back at work. Back at New Line today for the first time in over a month. Back temping for a living. Back to mindlessly and meaninglessly filling seats one day at a time for an insulting wage. Back to reality.
I have obviously been neglectful in maintaining the high level of quality and consistency you devoted readers of Piker have come to expect. I'd like to say that I'm committed to returning this stellar self-publication to prominence, but I'm not sure that my heart is in it. I mean, even I am starting to get bored with my own online journal. I may continue as is and just post when I feel like it, but I would also consider a radical change in format and/or content. Anybody have any ideas?
Back with more later.
I'm back. Back in L.A. Even back at work. Back at New Line today for the first time in over a month. Back temping for a living. Back to mindlessly and meaninglessly filling seats one day at a time for an insulting wage. Back to reality.
I have obviously been neglectful in maintaining the high level of quality and consistency you devoted readers of Piker have come to expect. I'd like to say that I'm committed to returning this stellar self-publication to prominence, but I'm not sure that my heart is in it. I mean, even I am starting to get bored with my own online journal. I may continue as is and just post when I feel like it, but I would also consider a radical change in format and/or content. Anybody have any ideas?
Back with more later.
Monday, January 06, 2003
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Welcome back, Pikers! Here we are in a happy new year. Could this possibly be the last year for human existence? Lots of crazy shit going on in the world, kind of makes me wonder... I think I'm going to take a cue from Jim Morrison: "I'm gonna get my kicks before the whole shithouse goes up in flames. All right. All right."
My new year's resolutions: Be more ambitious. Make a lot of money. Be more selfish. Say no more often. Get a job. Grow up.
I firmly believe I can accomplish all of those things by year's end. If anybody cares to aid me in achieving these goals, I welcome your help with open arms.
So far this year, I've already suffered some devastating loses by my favorite sports teams. The Dolphins, The Gators, and The Canes all ended their seasons in disaster. I'm still losing sleep over the Dolphins collapse at New England and that pass interference call in the end zone that ripped back to back national championships out of the Canes' hands. But, it's only a game, right? It hurts in the moment, but you move on. At least you try to move on. The key is to stop dreaming about it.
I have yet to see any movies this year, but I did see a slew of movies in the last few weeks of 2002. My year-end movie summary will be coming soon. However, in the new year, I have already discovered my new favorite show -- High School Reunion. Tune in Sundays at 9pm on the WB. And look for the replay of the series premiere on Thursday night at 8pm, to be followed by the premiere of The Surreal Life. Two phenomenal reality TV premises. I'm severely hooked on "Reunion" already, fascinated by the ways people change and don't change in the ten years following high school. Bullies and crushes and archetypes and stereotypes. You may not know these individual people, but you certainly know their types. Of course, I'm a sucker for all things nostalgiac, so this show is right in sweet spot. I already grow weepy thinking about the glory days of 2002.
I really hope this isn't the last year for humans because I'm having a great time.
Welcome back, Pikers! Here we are in a happy new year. Could this possibly be the last year for human existence? Lots of crazy shit going on in the world, kind of makes me wonder... I think I'm going to take a cue from Jim Morrison: "I'm gonna get my kicks before the whole shithouse goes up in flames. All right. All right."
My new year's resolutions: Be more ambitious. Make a lot of money. Be more selfish. Say no more often. Get a job. Grow up.
I firmly believe I can accomplish all of those things by year's end. If anybody cares to aid me in achieving these goals, I welcome your help with open arms.
So far this year, I've already suffered some devastating loses by my favorite sports teams. The Dolphins, The Gators, and The Canes all ended their seasons in disaster. I'm still losing sleep over the Dolphins collapse at New England and that pass interference call in the end zone that ripped back to back national championships out of the Canes' hands. But, it's only a game, right? It hurts in the moment, but you move on. At least you try to move on. The key is to stop dreaming about it.
I have yet to see any movies this year, but I did see a slew of movies in the last few weeks of 2002. My year-end movie summary will be coming soon. However, in the new year, I have already discovered my new favorite show -- High School Reunion. Tune in Sundays at 9pm on the WB. And look for the replay of the series premiere on Thursday night at 8pm, to be followed by the premiere of The Surreal Life. Two phenomenal reality TV premises. I'm severely hooked on "Reunion" already, fascinated by the ways people change and don't change in the ten years following high school. Bullies and crushes and archetypes and stereotypes. You may not know these individual people, but you certainly know their types. Of course, I'm a sucker for all things nostalgiac, so this show is right in sweet spot. I already grow weepy thinking about the glory days of 2002.
I really hope this isn't the last year for humans because I'm having a great time.
Friday, December 20, 2002
THE PIKER HAS LANDED!
Boy, do I feel neglectful. I spent so much time and energy cultivating Piker this year and here I am just pissing it all away. Although it is no excuse, this week has been one of transition. My Girl and I flew down here to South Florida on Tuesday and have been adjusting ever since. Neither one of us are feeling particularly well physically, so the adjustment has been fairly difficult. Fort Lauderdale is nice and warm yet rainy. Hardly feels like Christmas, but then again, being a South Florida Jew, I've never known what Christmas has felt like anyway. Nice to spend time with the folks and my brother and grandmother though. I hope to see some local friends soon and I am anxiously awaiting this weekend's arrival of Henry (Don't Call Me Hank) Lazarus from the Upper West Side of Manhattan. Oh yeah, and I'm looking forward to seeing his parents too. Also, my Godfather and #2 Godmother and Godsister are coming down and we'll be spending our traditional North Miami Beach Christmas with them -- a movie followed by a wild goose chase to find a restaurant that's open and not that crowded and that everyone doesn't hate. I'm dreaming of a sunny and humid Christmas...
Some quick thoughts on entertainment:
ABOUT SCHMIDT - sad movie done with a lot of finesse and at a high level of quality. Once again, Nicholson provides another reason why he's almost everyone's favorite actor. And, if for no other reason, you have to see the movie because Kathy Bates gets naked.
24 - still pretty riveting, but growing increasingly difficult to explain the back story and subplots to new viewers.
SURVIVOR - crapola. For the second straight season, the finale has features two unlikable finalists. Good casting in Brian the used car salesman turned millionaire and Jake the 61-year old Southern gentleman and Erin the fake-boobed hottie who defied the stereotype, but other than that, I'm starting to think that either the applicant pool is extremely weak to yield the people who wind up on the show, or this show has just grown stale and boring and should vote itself off my television.
Thank God this week has finally arrived to replenish the theaters with movies I actually want to see. The last couple of weeks, you'd look at the listings in the mulitplexes and find twenty movies that you didn't give a hoot about -- Adam Sandler's 8 Crazy Nights, Die Another Day, Harry Potter, Treasure Planet, Maid in Manhattan, etc. Now I'm psyched to see Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, Gangs of New York, Catch Me If You Can, The Antwone Fischer Story, and even Chicago.
I'm hoping to grow some patience, grin and bear the dial up connection found in Piker's Fort Lauderdale headquarters, and post more often while I'm down here. If I can't manage to do that, I wish everyone a wildly happy holiday season.
Boy, do I feel neglectful. I spent so much time and energy cultivating Piker this year and here I am just pissing it all away. Although it is no excuse, this week has been one of transition. My Girl and I flew down here to South Florida on Tuesday and have been adjusting ever since. Neither one of us are feeling particularly well physically, so the adjustment has been fairly difficult. Fort Lauderdale is nice and warm yet rainy. Hardly feels like Christmas, but then again, being a South Florida Jew, I've never known what Christmas has felt like anyway. Nice to spend time with the folks and my brother and grandmother though. I hope to see some local friends soon and I am anxiously awaiting this weekend's arrival of Henry (Don't Call Me Hank) Lazarus from the Upper West Side of Manhattan. Oh yeah, and I'm looking forward to seeing his parents too. Also, my Godfather and #2 Godmother and Godsister are coming down and we'll be spending our traditional North Miami Beach Christmas with them -- a movie followed by a wild goose chase to find a restaurant that's open and not that crowded and that everyone doesn't hate. I'm dreaming of a sunny and humid Christmas...
Some quick thoughts on entertainment:
ABOUT SCHMIDT - sad movie done with a lot of finesse and at a high level of quality. Once again, Nicholson provides another reason why he's almost everyone's favorite actor. And, if for no other reason, you have to see the movie because Kathy Bates gets naked.
24 - still pretty riveting, but growing increasingly difficult to explain the back story and subplots to new viewers.
SURVIVOR - crapola. For the second straight season, the finale has features two unlikable finalists. Good casting in Brian the used car salesman turned millionaire and Jake the 61-year old Southern gentleman and Erin the fake-boobed hottie who defied the stereotype, but other than that, I'm starting to think that either the applicant pool is extremely weak to yield the people who wind up on the show, or this show has just grown stale and boring and should vote itself off my television.
Thank God this week has finally arrived to replenish the theaters with movies I actually want to see. The last couple of weeks, you'd look at the listings in the mulitplexes and find twenty movies that you didn't give a hoot about -- Adam Sandler's 8 Crazy Nights, Die Another Day, Harry Potter, Treasure Planet, Maid in Manhattan, etc. Now I'm psyched to see Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, Gangs of New York, Catch Me If You Can, The Antwone Fischer Story, and even Chicago.
I'm hoping to grow some patience, grin and bear the dial up connection found in Piker's Fort Lauderdale headquarters, and post more often while I'm down here. If I can't manage to do that, I wish everyone a wildly happy holiday season.
Friday, December 13, 2002
SOMEBODY STOP THIS THING BEFORE SOMEONE GETS KILLED
I saw "Rocky V" in the theater. It was a mistake. So was the greenlight that sent that project into motion. I plead with MGM to leave sleeping southpaws where they lie and abandon the idea of bringing a 50-plus Rocky out of retirement and back into the ring . Rocky should have hung up the gloves after defeating Drago and winning over a hostile Moscow crowd. Sure, it was heavy-handed, but "IV" was a lot of fun and the climactic fight scene at the end had me up and out of my chair just like that first fight against Apollo Creed did. The first four movies were Rocky quality, "V" was crap. Its existence insults the franchise almost as much as "Godfather III" does in its parallel gangster universe. "V" felt desperate. The writing was weak, the acting was wooden, the whole thing stunk like the gym where Mickey first taught Balboa how to box. I dread the thought of "Rocky VI." The once proud franchise has already gone one round past the point where it should have thrown in the towel, I beg and plead for it not to get up off the canvas wobbly-legged and cross-eyed and insist, "I can go on. Don't stop it. This fight ain't over." I'm calling it right now. It's over. TKO. To accurately communicate my true feelings about making another Rocky movie, I'll have to paraphrase a heartless Ivan Drago after he knocked Apollo unconscious in the ring, "If it dies, it dies."
I saw "Rocky V" in the theater. It was a mistake. So was the greenlight that sent that project into motion. I plead with MGM to leave sleeping southpaws where they lie and abandon the idea of bringing a 50-plus Rocky out of retirement and back into the ring . Rocky should have hung up the gloves after defeating Drago and winning over a hostile Moscow crowd. Sure, it was heavy-handed, but "IV" was a lot of fun and the climactic fight scene at the end had me up and out of my chair just like that first fight against Apollo Creed did. The first four movies were Rocky quality, "V" was crap. Its existence insults the franchise almost as much as "Godfather III" does in its parallel gangster universe. "V" felt desperate. The writing was weak, the acting was wooden, the whole thing stunk like the gym where Mickey first taught Balboa how to box. I dread the thought of "Rocky VI." The once proud franchise has already gone one round past the point where it should have thrown in the towel, I beg and plead for it not to get up off the canvas wobbly-legged and cross-eyed and insist, "I can go on. Don't stop it. This fight ain't over." I'm calling it right now. It's over. TKO. To accurately communicate my true feelings about making another Rocky movie, I'll have to paraphrase a heartless Ivan Drago after he knocked Apollo unconscious in the ring, "If it dies, it dies."
DECISIONS, DECISIONS, DECISIONS
I guess it's officially too late for me to become a wunderkind. I'm past the age of thirty, I have yet to accomplish anything of any significance, and nobody's wondering how I could be this good at such a young age. My story is in direct contrast to the one on display last night when ESPN2 televised a regular season high school basketball game and sent Dick Vitale and Bill Walton to cover it. The attraction: LeBron James. The result: An awesome display of precocious and unselfish bastketball by "The Next Jordan" in a twenty-point upset win over the number one ranked high school team in the country. The Hype had already begun, last night kicked it into high gear. LeBron is clearly a man amongst boys and I agreed with the announcers as they encouraged him to pass go, head directly to the NBA, and collect his $200 million. He has the body, he has the game, and he has the charisma to be an endorsement darling. Why should he risk an injury in college that could prevent him from ever even reaching the pros? Why shouldn't he collect a legitimate paycheck while learning the game? Vitale and Walton also stressed that young LeBron should get an education. He'll have every opportunity to get a degree if he so desires. And for a change, Walton actually said something that I liked... He insisted that the decision is LeBron's. No one should force LeBron into going pro or push LeBron into enrolling at a university. It's LeBron's life and LeBron's future. And the future for LeBron is more than bright, it's flat out blinding.
I guess it's officially too late for me to become a wunderkind. I'm past the age of thirty, I have yet to accomplish anything of any significance, and nobody's wondering how I could be this good at such a young age. My story is in direct contrast to the one on display last night when ESPN2 televised a regular season high school basketball game and sent Dick Vitale and Bill Walton to cover it. The attraction: LeBron James. The result: An awesome display of precocious and unselfish bastketball by "The Next Jordan" in a twenty-point upset win over the number one ranked high school team in the country. The Hype had already begun, last night kicked it into high gear. LeBron is clearly a man amongst boys and I agreed with the announcers as they encouraged him to pass go, head directly to the NBA, and collect his $200 million. He has the body, he has the game, and he has the charisma to be an endorsement darling. Why should he risk an injury in college that could prevent him from ever even reaching the pros? Why shouldn't he collect a legitimate paycheck while learning the game? Vitale and Walton also stressed that young LeBron should get an education. He'll have every opportunity to get a degree if he so desires. And for a change, Walton actually said something that I liked... He insisted that the decision is LeBron's. No one should force LeBron into going pro or push LeBron into enrolling at a university. It's LeBron's life and LeBron's future. And the future for LeBron is more than bright, it's flat out blinding.
Tuesday, December 10, 2002
MY FAVORITE WEEKEND
I watched a lot of things this past weekend. The list is embarrassing. I'm not feeling particularly well and I don't have the energy to comment on each of the things I watched, but I probably will anyway.
First off, I saw "Adaptation." It is easily the most inventive movie of the year. I loved it. I want to see it again. I want to see it win awards. Someday I want to own it DVD.
"
On video, I watched "Changing Lanes," "Y Tu Mama Tambien," and "Hedwig and the Angry Inch." I did not care for "Changing Lanes" or for its two protagonists and would not recommend it. I really liked "Y Tu Mama Tambien" and would list it among my favorite movies of the year. "Hedwig" I had seen before and enjoyed it as much the second time as the first.
I watched a boatload of E! Entertainment Television, including multiple episodes of "The Anna Nicole Smith Show," "The Howard Stern Show," and E! True Hollywood Story. The E!THS on "Baywatch" was highly addicting. I learned that David Hasselhoff's ego is equal in size to the combined mass of every fake breast that ever appeared on that show. To paraphrase Kit The Talking Car's partner on "Knight Rider": "I realized there was so much more I wanted to do. I mean, I was always a theater guy. And musical theater at that. I have this huge voice." Speaking of ego, I watched the E! True Hollywood Story on William Shatner as well. E! is like televised crack.
I watched an incredible amount of football, both college and pro. Miami vs. Virginia Tech, Washington State vs. UCLA, and some of Georgia vs. Arkansas on Saturday. Atlanta vs. Tampa Bay, New England vs. Buffalo, San Diego vs. Oakland, and Minnesota vs. Green Bay on Sunday. But it wasn't until last night when the Dolphins beat up on the Bears that I actually got some sports-watching satisfaction. Ricky Williams is the man. A very fast and powerful man who may give the Dolphins a legitimate chance to take the wide-open AFC.
I watched "Saturday Night Live," hosted by Robert De Niro with Norah Jones as the musical guest. It stunk. The writing was total shit, De Niro clearly hadn't rehearsed or glanced at his lines beforehand, Norah Jones was boring, and after it was over I really wanted to give up on the show. There was one very funny episode this season and the rest of it has been forgettable tripe.
And finally, I watched the season four finale of "The Sopranos." I thought it was great. Emotional, smart, and twisty, while culminating several of the season's story lines and setting up others for next season. I'm not in the business of playing the spoiler, so I won't go into detail in case either of you reading this hasn't seen it yet. I think the season as a whole wasn't quite as good as the first two seasons, but, unlike the feeling I had after the season three finale, I was satisfied. The biggest mistake the show made was sitting on the sidelines for 18 months while "Six Feet Under" took over as the best show on television.
That's all I've got. I gave more than I thought I had. Now I have to go eat some dinner before "24" starts.
sloth - n 1: a disinclination to work or exert yourself [syn: slothfulness] 2: any of several slow-moving arboreal mammals of South and Central America; they hang from branches back downward and feed on leaves and fruits [syn: tree sloth] 3: apathy and inactivity in the practice of virtue (personified as one of the deadly sins) [syn: laziness, acedia]
I watched a lot of things this past weekend. The list is embarrassing. I'm not feeling particularly well and I don't have the energy to comment on each of the things I watched, but I probably will anyway.
First off, I saw "Adaptation." It is easily the most inventive movie of the year. I loved it. I want to see it again. I want to see it win awards. Someday I want to own it DVD.
"
On video, I watched "Changing Lanes," "Y Tu Mama Tambien," and "Hedwig and the Angry Inch." I did not care for "Changing Lanes" or for its two protagonists and would not recommend it. I really liked "Y Tu Mama Tambien" and would list it among my favorite movies of the year. "Hedwig" I had seen before and enjoyed it as much the second time as the first.
I watched a boatload of E! Entertainment Television, including multiple episodes of "The Anna Nicole Smith Show," "The Howard Stern Show," and E! True Hollywood Story. The E!THS on "Baywatch" was highly addicting. I learned that David Hasselhoff's ego is equal in size to the combined mass of every fake breast that ever appeared on that show. To paraphrase Kit The Talking Car's partner on "Knight Rider": "I realized there was so much more I wanted to do. I mean, I was always a theater guy. And musical theater at that. I have this huge voice." Speaking of ego, I watched the E! True Hollywood Story on William Shatner as well. E! is like televised crack.
I watched an incredible amount of football, both college and pro. Miami vs. Virginia Tech, Washington State vs. UCLA, and some of Georgia vs. Arkansas on Saturday. Atlanta vs. Tampa Bay, New England vs. Buffalo, San Diego vs. Oakland, and Minnesota vs. Green Bay on Sunday. But it wasn't until last night when the Dolphins beat up on the Bears that I actually got some sports-watching satisfaction. Ricky Williams is the man. A very fast and powerful man who may give the Dolphins a legitimate chance to take the wide-open AFC.
I watched "Saturday Night Live," hosted by Robert De Niro with Norah Jones as the musical guest. It stunk. The writing was total shit, De Niro clearly hadn't rehearsed or glanced at his lines beforehand, Norah Jones was boring, and after it was over I really wanted to give up on the show. There was one very funny episode this season and the rest of it has been forgettable tripe.
And finally, I watched the season four finale of "The Sopranos." I thought it was great. Emotional, smart, and twisty, while culminating several of the season's story lines and setting up others for next season. I'm not in the business of playing the spoiler, so I won't go into detail in case either of you reading this hasn't seen it yet. I think the season as a whole wasn't quite as good as the first two seasons, but, unlike the feeling I had after the season three finale, I was satisfied. The biggest mistake the show made was sitting on the sidelines for 18 months while "Six Feet Under" took over as the best show on television.
That's all I've got. I gave more than I thought I had. Now I have to go eat some dinner before "24" starts.