A DAY IN THE LIFE OF PIKER

I read the blog today, oh boy

I'm not sure if you people know this or not, but Piker doesn't have the greatest work ethic in the world. Even when Piker is working, Piker is not really working that hard. But today, Piker was and is still... working. Notice how Piker has now taken to referring to itself in the third person? Anyway, Piker transitioned from "Watching Ellie" (which premieres this Tuesday, April 15) to a pilot called "Rubbing Charlie." So now Piker is involved with both watching Ellie and rubbing Charlie. Wait a second...

So, this is actually the first break Piker has had today. Piker got a call on the supersecret Pikerphone while driving to work. Apparently, Piker's Boss needed Piker, but when Piker got here, Piker's Boss didn't need Piker anymore. As it turned out, Piker's Boss became confused when looking at yesterday's draft and thinking it was today's draft. In the interim, someone handed Piker's Boss today's draft and the confusion was cleared up before Piker could navigate the morning rush hour traffic and park the Pikermobile. But, ever since Piker walked through the door, Piker has been working. Piker's Boss needed to make a last minute change to the script, so Piker had to type that up and distribute it to the proper parties. Then Piker sat in on the table read, at which Piker laughed out loud a few times and was overall quite entertained. Then Piker had to sit in the corner and commit to paper everything that was said while the network gave notes to Piker's Boss. Then Piker moved slightly closer to the table after the network folks took off and the studio people took their turn at giving notes to Piker's Boss, but Piker still had to record every word that was uttered. After that, Piker had to quickly type up the notes and hand them out to Piker's Boss and the visiting writers who were helping out Piker's Boss. Then Piker sat in on the several-hours-long yet fairly amusing writers meeting and once again took down everything that everybody said. (Note: During that time there was a slight break for lunch, at which the writers ate some fancy Italian food while Piker suffered through a meal of bulk-ordered Panda Express.) After the writers had gone through the entire script, Piker's Boss let them go and Piker sat down to type up all the notes from the several-hours-long writers meeting. After having a colleague proofread the typed-up notes, Piker then handed said notes to Piker's Boss. Since that time, Piker has been attempting to complete the process of clearing the character names with the research and legal departments and filling in on the phones when Piker's co-workers were too swamped to pick it up. Otherwise, it's not really Piker's job to answer phones. But, that's the kind of piker that Piker is. And right now, Piker is a piker on hold, waiting for Piker's Boss to communicate when the script changes will be done, whether tonight or sometime this weekend. Exactly when that will happen is any piker's guess.

I'd love to turn you on...

CAN'T CATCH HIM

Premiere magazine's 2003 Power List is out and Steven Spielberg is #1. Spielberg was #6 last year, but took over the top spot after directing two hits this past year with "Minority Report" and "Catch Me If You Can." The Power List issue hits newsstands on Monday, but you wouldn't know anything about The List is you visited the lame Premiere site. Though I conducted a fairly thorough search, I was unable to locate the entire list anywhere. But through various articles, I was able to put together a list of 20 confirmed spots.

#1 - Steven Spielberg
#13 - Tom Hanks
#14 - Tom Cruise
#15 - Mel Gibson
#16 - Julia Roberts
#18 - Brian Grazer
#19 - Jerry Bruckheimer
#20 - Peter Jackson
#21 - M. Night Shyamalan
#26 - Ron Howard
#27 - Andy and Larry Wachowski
#28 - Denzel Washington
#31 - Nicole Kidman
#32 - Reese Witherspoon
#47 - Jennifer Lopez
#63 - Renee Zellweger
#74 - Jack Nicholson
#96 - Halle Berry
#98 - Colin Ferrell
#99 - Kate Hudson

Where's Piker?

I AM NOT A RAGBAG!

Entry: miser
Function: noun
Definition: hoarder
Concept: financial entity
Source: Roget's Interactive Thesaurus, First Edition (v 1.0.0)
Copyright © 2003 by Lexico Publishing Group, LLC. All rights reserved.

Synonyms: Shylock, cheapskate, churl, curmudgeon, glutton, harpy, hoarder, hog, hunks, misanthrope, misanthropist, moneygrubber, muckworm, niggard, penny pincher, pig, piker, pinchfist, pinchpenny, screw, scrimp, scrooge, skinflint, stiff, tightwad

Entry: vagabond
Function: noun
Definition: wanderer
Concept: unsocial entity
Source: Roget's Interactive Thesaurus, First Edition (v 1.0.0)
Copyright © 2003 by Lexico Publishing Group, LLC. All rights reserved.

Synonyms: arab, beachcomber, beggar, bum, deadbeat, derelict, down-and-out, drifter, floater, gypsy, hobo, idler, itinerant, loafer, migrant, nomad, outcast, piker, ragbag, rascal, road agent, rogue, rolling stone, rover, stiff, stray, street arab, stumblebum, tramp, transient, traveller, vagrant, wayfarer

EVERYBODY LOVES A CRITIC

Salon must really love their new TV and entertainment correspondent. They've run a piece of hers nearly every day this week. Today, she raves about "Everybody Loves Raymond" and interviews the show's creator Phil Rosenthal. If you haven't been following these Salon links and clicking through the quick ad they force you to view for total access, you should start doing so. Not only is her writing insightful and entertaining, but she'll save you a whole lot of wasteful channel surfing time. If you let her.

24/6

"24" rebounded in a big way last night. I thought last week's episode was weak, a placeholder segment that felt like it was running in place, and not even on a treadmill. But the show returned to form this week. I enjoyed the smoky gunfight and the developing bond between Kiefer and Cate. And what a great ending. Almost Yoda-like. "In-side......."

But, even when "24" is at its peak, it is still only the second best show currently airing original episodes. I missed the "Six Feet Under" episode that aired on Sunday, but I thankfully I caught it last night. "SFU" consistently operates at the very highest level and continues to display more insight into relationships than most super-therapists. That initial atom-splitting spark of new love is in the room with Claire and Russell in every scene, complete with artistic awkwardness and the ongoing mystery as to Russell's ultimate sexuality. The budding friendship which could turn into something more between Ruth and her new housemate Arthur is highly original and weird and infinitely amusing. Their scenes contain more laughs than the majority of sitcoms on television nowadays. Not much David and Keith this week, but the one scene of them chatting in bed about the girls they used to sleep with made me laugh and cringe and admire the writing and the acting and the reality of it all. The Nate and Lisa stuff was simply inspired, with their passive-aggressive banter finally boiling over on their private walk in the woods during a camping trip. Claire de-virginized Russell, Ruth and Arthur scampered out of the room after accidentally catching a moment of porn on the tube, David and Keith routinely popped in some porn before bed, and Nate and Lisa were forced to compare their sex life to that of their frisky friends. In this episode, sex was under every rock, and then finally, on top of one.

FROM SESAME STREET TO THE STRIP

Who says Salon's resident television critic doesn't have range? On Monday, she celebrated the premiere of the 34th season of the ageless wonder that is PBS' "Sesame Street." Then on Tuesday, she reviewed Lucky the new Vegas-based John Corbett comedy on FX. I'm betting she goes for the kids show over the gamblefest.

CHAMPS A L'ORANGE

After 27 years of coaching Syracuse basketball, Jim Boeheim finally has his national championship. And a snazzy new hat.



After 1 year of playing college basketball, Carmelo Anthony lead his team to a national championship, made the All-America team, and established himself as a can't-miss pro prospect. I see no reason why he should return for another season. He has nothing left to prove at this level. And that big smile is going to land him some major endorsement contracts.



So another phenomenal NCAA Tournament comes to an end. One more shining moment. Now I actually have to go back to living my life. To quote Bill Murray as John Winger from "Stripes" after he lost his job, his car, and his girlfriend, "And then depression set in..."

THE FINAL GAME

[2] Kansas vs [3] Syracuse
9:18 PM ET New Orleans, LA

Kansas and Syracuse meet tonight in the Final Two after the Jayhawks smelted the Golden Eagles and the Orangemen hooked the 'Horns in the semis. All but one of the ESPN Experts are picking Kansas in tonight's final. Maybe this is my heart talking because I want to see Jim Boehiem get his first national championship before Roy Williams, but I think Kansas played to perfection against Marquette and won't be able to duplicate the performance against Syracuse. While Texas didn't have anybody to stop Carmelo Anthony, Keith Langford will be given the task this evening. But, I'm with Andy Katz in wondering if anybody in college basketball can stop that manchild. With all those talented freshmen and sophomores, what if Syracuse wins tonight and everyone comes back next year? Could they possibly join the list of College Basketball's Greatest Teams?

Pick: Syracuse